A Strip Club Called ‘Baby Bumpers’ Will Be The First To Feature Pregnant Strippers And It Gets Much, Much Worse

by 6 years ago

That Oregon Life

Finally, a strip club catering to all of the pregnant lady fetishists around the world. Well, maybe not around the world, but in the Springfield, Oregon area.

Baby Bumpers’ will be the first strip club to feature pregnant women working the pole. Now I’m sure that women “with child” have stripped but stopped showing once they started showing but Baby Bumpers is taking it once step further.

The women have to be 6 months pregnant or more.

“Truth is, all you see in the clubs around here just a bunch of girls all sucked up lookin’ like Skeletor and sh*t. Personally, I like fat bottoms and healthy girls with a little meat on them. One night I was laying in bed watching some pregnant belly dancers on the TV, and the idea just hit me… Why not make a pregnant girl strip joint?”

Why not? Because it’s fucking crazy is why not! Don’t get me wrong, a pregnant woman’s body is a beautiful thing but only when it’s the body of the woman giving birth to YOUR kid. A naked pregnant woman who isn’t your wife, girlfriend or baby momma is just damn uncomfortable. Probably because she’s so damn uncomfortable. I hate watching pregnant women struggle to get around in a supermarket, I’m sure as hell not going to get off watching them try and climb up on a stage.

Also, take it from a bro who’s lived through two pregnancy, knocked up chicks ain’t exactly a party to be around. These women will be giving lap dances and bitching about swollen ankles and uncontrollable flatulence. Hopefully the music is loud enough to drown out their occasional vomiting from prolonged morning sickness.

Glass half full — Baby Bumpers is a pretty solid strip club name. Well played.

H/T That Oregon Life

UPDATE: According to the tags on the original article, this whole story is a work of satire. Satire is a comedic device used to mock or ridicule. I’m not sure if they’re ridiculing pregnant women, strip clubs or Oregon. I’ve been to Oregon, and this all seemed totally believable based on my time there, so I’ll assume Oregon.  

TAGSStrip clubsWTF