Bros, I’ve Got Some Bad News For You Regarding Red Meat And Your Butthole

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For the sake of brevity I’m just going to assume there’s not a single vegetarian that reads BroBible, and in that case I’ve got some very bad news for all of you bros and it’s in regards towards your butthole (and diet). Analysis from the International Agency for Research on Cancer of 800 studies regarding the consumption of meat and cancer has concluded that eating processed meat and probably red meat “causes colorectal cancer.”

They’re not yet willing to explicitly state ‘eating red meat causes butt cancer’, stating “Red meat carries a slightly lower risk, the group says, but is still “probably carcinogenic to humans.” Aside from the “strong mechanistic evidence” related to colorectal cancer, the “consumption of red meat was also positively associated with pancreatic and with prostate cancer.”

So how much processed meat is safe to eat without leaving one at risk of colorectal cancer, the 2nd most lethal cancer in the United States? MedicalExpress reports:

The finding supports “recommendations to limit intake of meat”—particularly in processed forms, said the IARC.
“In view of the large number of people who consume processed meat, the global impact on cancer incidence is of public health importance,” IARC official Kurt Straif said in a statement.
For an individual, the risk of getting cancer from eating processed meat was statistically “small”, the agency said, but “increases with the amount of meat consumed.”
“Each 50-gramme (1.8-ounce) portion of processed meat eaten daily increases the risk of colorectal cancer by 18 percent,” it said in a statement.
For unprocessed red meat—beef, veal, pork, lamb, mutton, horse or goat, the review found “strong” evidence of a cancer-causing effect, but not sufficient to place it in the same group of cancer-causing agents as tobacco smoke, asbestos, and now also processed meat.

The flip side of this is that red meat and animal protein is some of the most nutritious food that you can ever put into your body, and is necessary to maintain a balanced diet. However, since these findings have been released ‘red meat’ is now being classified into ‘group 1’ by the International Agency for Research on Cancer, which means that red meat is classified as being as dangerous as exposure to asbestos, smoking cigarettes, and HPV.

These scientists are literally saying that red meat is as cancerous as asbestos and smoking tobacco. To which I’m wondering one thing: where in the fuck are all the red meat TV commercials alongside mesothelioma commercials and commercials showing someone talking out of a hole in their neck and which zooms in on hall the fingers and toes they’ve lost from smoking cigs? How are they (scientists, cancer research foundations) gonna try and tell us that red meat is as dangerous as all those other things but not run horrific scare campaigns?!?! I refuse to believe something is cancerous until I see a horrific TV commercial about it.

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[MedicalExpress / PBS]