Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Bernie Bouchard stopped court this past Wednesday because an overpower aroma of weed filled the courtroom and it was obvious to everyone — except maybe the guilty — that it stunk.
The judge wanted answers and boy did he get answers. After threatening to bring in drug sniffing dogs if someone didn’t come forward, the judge finally found the source of the stank — the smell was coming from the defendant in the case, Darius Dabney. Dabney raised his hand and admitted guilt.
Thankfully, Dabney didn’t just say “it’s me” and end the entire ordeal. Oh no, Mr. Dabney had to go into DEEP DETAIL. Here are the official court transcripts courtesy of Hamilton County Municipal Court and Fox 19.
“THE COURT: This courtroom has an overwhelming smell of marijuana. So whomever has it, if you want to give it up right now it’s going to be destroyed. If you don’t, we’re bringing the drug dog over and you’re going to be doing a lot of time in jail when we find it. So who has the marijuana?
MR. DABNEY: I smoked marijuana before I got here.
THE COURT: Okay. Well, do you have it on you?
MR. DABNEY: No, sir.
THE COURT: Well, it doesn’t smell to me likeburnt.
MR. DABNEY: I’m cool then.
THE COURT: You’re safe, you think?
MR. DABNEY: I know I am.
THE COURT: What time did you smoke it?
MR. DABNEY: Shit, like since 9:00, 9:15. I’ll be honest about that. I ain’t going to hold you up, Mr. Bernie. I just got out on a probation violation for a dirty piss, so I smoked this morning. I ain’t going to hold you up. I ain’t going to hold you up. It’s me. I got —
THE COURT: What’s your name? Do you remember that?
MR. DABNEY: I don’t know that right now.
THE COURT: Okay. Why don’t you come up here and have a seat so we can maybe — maybe we can take it out in the hall. I don’t care what your name is. Come on up. Maybe you can remember your name by the time you sit up here. Have a seat right over here.
MR. RENGERING: Well, we have his attorney here.
THE COURT: You have Mr. Moore?
MR. DABNEY: Yes, sir.
THE COURT: Okay. No, no, no. Right here. What’s his name, Mr. Moore?
MR. MOORE: Dabney, Darius Dabney, Your Honor. He did answer to his name earlier, though. Judge, what happened on Mr. Dabney, he’s here for probation violation. What happened was he was locked up, didn’t report to probation and just recently got out for a felony PV.
THE COURT: And celebrated.
MR. MOORE: Evidently so.
THE COURT: Yeah. Well, I don’t think I can take a plea from him today because he’s not of sound mind.
MR. DABNEY: Can I come back?
THE COURT: Yeah, you’re going to come back, but here’s the problem, you’re going to stay with us for a couple days.
THE DEFENDANT: What?
THE COURT: Yeah.
MR. DABNEY: Sir, I have my son outside. Like I really have my son. Like I got to pick up my son at 10:00, 11:00.
MR. MOORE: Your Honor, I did speak to him earlier and he knew his name and he knew essentially why he was here and that sort of thing. He didn’t strike me as someone who was intoxicated. Judge, I know that he was kind of carrying on a little bit in the back there, but I think he was just having fun, essentially, is what it comes down to, Judge. I’m satisfied that he’s ready to proceed.
THE COURT: Well, thank you for that, but I mean, he just admitted that he smoked marijuana right before he came to court.
THE DEFENDANT: Oh my gosh. Like, Mr. Bernie —
THE COURT: It’s Judge Bouchard, but that’s okay, Mr. Dabney. You want to step on up here, Mr. Dabney. I’m finding you in contempt, sir, for coming to court high, wasting the Court’s time, public defender’s time, everybody’s time that’s getting paid here. You can’t enter a plea because you’re not of sound mind, so you’re going to do a day in jail for that on contempt. I’m going to continue your case until tomorrow morning. Your bond is $1,000, any way.
THE DEFENDANT: At ten percent?
THE COURT: Any way, but you’re going to be doing a day anyway, so tomorrow we can take care of it. Now, listen to me, Mr. Dabney. If you got it on you it’s going to be a felony when they strip you over there so I’ll give you one last time to tell me if you have any unburnt marijuana on you. I’m giving you — oh, ah-ha.
(Defendant pulled a bag of marijuana out of his pants.)
THE COURT: Okay. So finally you came clean. If there’s anything else, this is your opportunity. We’re going to destroy it. Are you sure?
(Defendant pulled another bag of marijuana out of his pants.)
THE COURT: Oh my lord. Anything else, I mean, because —
THE DEFENDANT: No.
THE COURT: Mr. Dabney, I’m telling you — now why would you do that? Why would you bring that much pot to court?
THE DEFENDANT: I forgot it in my car, sir.
THE COURT: You forgot it in your underwear.
MR. MOORE: He said car, Judge.
THE COURT: Say what?
THE DEFENDANT: I don’t know, sir.
THE COURT: You don’t know. Well, I don’t know why you would do that either.
MR. MOORE: Well, Judge, I mean, it’s — if he’s impaired to the point that he can’t take a plea, he’s probably not thinking clearly.
THE COURT: Good point. Mr. Dabney, well, you know —
MR. DABNEY: Yes, sir.
THE COURT: You know what, I just want to tell you one thing. You know, at some point in your life all you have left is your word, okay, you know, and to be honest. You hear what I’m saying? You know, it’s just so disappointing that, you know, you try to lie. I’ve been in court every day for 20 years as an assistant prosecutor, a magistrate, and a judge. And for you to think that I’m stupid and you’re going to pull one over on me, I mean, that’s just illogical. But you know what I appreciate in this courtroom is honesty, you know. If you can say I did something, I’m sorry, I learned from it, that goes a long way than no I didn’t and lying, you know. So, I mean, you did come clean, but it took a little coaxing, but that’s better than you getting charged with a felony for bringing drugs into the jail. You know what I’m saying? So I hope that you at least learned from this and can be honest in the future.
MR. MOORE: Judge, he might not realize it, but he appreciates you giving him the opportunity to get rid of it.
THE COURT: Okay. We’ll see you tomorrow morning. You’re in contempt doing a day. And then your bond is a $1,000.”
There isn’t a show on television right now as funny as that exchange.
[via Fox 19]