While being stoned and doing activities like going to the movies or laying at the pool is great, there are certain activities you should NEVER do while stoned. For example..:
1. Operate heavy machinery
2. Work at a meat slicing plant
3. Go to band practice
The third item might seem a little bit out of place, since, y’know, injury by saxophone seems pretty rare, yet Reddit user snakezie managed to impale his scrotum all because he smoked the ganja.
Today I made the biggest fuck up of my life (so far). when I got to band practice, I unloaded all my drums, and moved them inside.
I started setting up all the pieces, first my throne, the bass drum, cymbal stands, toms, and cymbals (always in that order) Then I sit down and adjust everything… Well this time I forgot to put the seat on my throne, and sat down on the stem about 1.5 inches (almost 4cm) in diameter. The stem went through the back of my pants, into my scrotum, and out the front of my pants.
I yelled, what can only be described as the scream of 10,000 souls “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Quickly got on my feet, and limped to the bathroom to check the damage, while my guitar player called me an ambulance.
I went to the emergency room, and the nurses all gathered around. it was late and the hospital was empty, I guess everyone wanted to see what a testicle looked like because my room was packed with nurses (All Female) covering their mouths with their hands, eyes popping out, one of them asked if I wanted to see it… I did not.
I asked in a concerned voice “Am I going to keep them” the whole room burst out laughing, and the head nurse spoke up “Yeah, but you’re going to need stitches” nodding her head.
36 stitches in my nutsack that now looks like a purple softball, with black and red stitching.
TL;DR I was so high I forgot to put the seat on my drum throne, sat on the stem, and nearly castrated myself. My boys are ok, and are being held together by 36 stitches
That’s probably the best anti-drug story I’ve ever read. Lesson learned kids, stick to simple activities that don’t require any thought or involve pointy objects.