Watch Bill Nye ‘The Science Guy’ Talk To You About Sex If You Want Your Penis To Fall Asleep Forever

I never really thought of Bill Nye getting horny until about four minutes ago. But I think the roots of his horniness veers significantly from mine. Like I get turned on by hot chicks and kind of hot chicks and any chicks, really. I feel like Bill Nye sees a graduated cylinder and wants to stick his scientific dick in it. And apparently two polar bears screwing gives him a chubby too. Go home, Bill, you’re drunk.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.