The Sarasota County Bomb Squad will NEVER live down their new nickname of ‘The Bong Squad’ after they shut down a local road to investigate and x-ray a suspicious briefcase that turned out to be nothing more than a bong. As a born and raised native of Sarasota, Florida I want to be the first to say this: it was not my bong, Mr. Officer.
I cannot even begin to fathom the mixture of shame and amusement the Sarasota County Bong Squad experienced after discovering that the suspicious briefcase contained nothing other than a completely legal water pipe (you have to call them ‘water pipes’ in Sarasota in order to legally sell them).
I’m sure they called their loved ones to say they might not be coming home that night, telling them that there was a potential bomb threat. Then they all put on their expensive gear and trudged out to the location of the briefcase, shutting down a road off Phillippi Creek (which you might remember as being the creek where a testicle eating fish was found not too long ago).
Shutting down that road was when things GOT REAL. That’s when the members of the Bong Squad began to confront their own mortality, a sensation that could’ve been achieved simply by hitting the bong w/ a paranoia-inducing strain of cannabis. Instead they approached that suspicious briefcase thinking that this might be the end, only to find a harmless bong. I imagine it was at that point that they all began to laugh their asses off, again this is a sensation that could’ve been achieved by staying home and hitting the bong.
So the moral of the story is this: if you want to simulate the sensation of neutralizing a bomb threat just stay home and take bong hits.