More Like Bro-seph Smith: Church Admits Founder of Mormonism Took Nearly 40 Wives

by 4 years ago  •  2 Comments

(Sorry, that’s the best we could do photo-wise. I’m sorry.)

I’m of the belief that people should be allowed to do what they want. I maintain that stance because that way, I can justify doing whatever it is that I want. That’s kinda my religion.

So when it comes to arcane and odd spiritual practices such as animal sacrifice, blood orgies and worshiping the dead, I kinda turn a blind eye to it. If that’s what makes you happy, go for it.

Such is my stance on polygamy. If everyone is a willing participant in the practice, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

In America, the practice is frowned upon, even though some wish to practice it. Specifically, Mormons, for it once was a tenet of their faith. It’s also what the founder of their religion did.

For the longest time, the public story was that Joseph Smith only had one wife. But today, in an essay, the church stated he was a big-time practitioner of polygamy. From CNN:

The founder of the Mormon church, Joseph Smith, wed as many as 40 wives, including some who were already married and one as young as 14 years old, the church acknowledged in a surprising new essay.

Smith’s marital history had been the subject of frequent historical debate, but until recently Mormon leaders had taken pains to present its founding prophet as happily married to one woman. Now, the church says, “careful estimates put the number between 30 and 40.”

Damn, dawg. Up top. Smith, according to the church, was only doing the wishes of his Lord.

According to the church’s essay, Smith had not wanted to take multiple wives, but relented after an angel appeared to him three times between 1834-1842. On the angel’s last visit, the church said, “the angel came with a drawn sword, threatening Joseph with destruction unless he went forward and obeyed the commandment fully.

HAHAHHA YEA OKAY RIGHT.

As the church’s essay notes, Smith also saw his fledgling Mormon movement as a restoration of the “ancient principles” of biblical prophets like Abraham, who practiced plural marriage.

You can either be murdered, or you can have sex with lots of women. That’s a religion I can get behind. The church did take pains though, to note that Smith wasn’t actually intimate with all these gals.

Although Smith wed as many as 40 women, he did not necessarily consummate the marriages, the LDS church said. Some might have been “eternity only sealings,” meaning that the relationships were held on reserve for the afterlife.

Still, I’m sure he got plenty. So, with that in mind, to we anoint Joseph Smith with Bro King status?

Yes.

Bro King status.


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