Serial Pooper Known As The ‘Brown Bomber’ Keeps Dropping Undetected Aqua Dumps In A City Pool

by 4 years ago

For the sixth week in a row the staff at Splash Palace Aquatic Centre has been forced to call a ‘Code Brown’ after a faceless man (or woman) known as the ‘Brown Bomber’ has pooped in the pool. Yes, six Fridays in a row now this fecal villain has snuck into the pool, pinched off a dookie, and gotten out of there before anyone was able to pinpoint the fecal villain and bring the aquatic crapper to justice.

Aside from this being a hilarious story, half of the reason I wanted to share this shitty saga with you is it gave me the opportunity to use as may different words for aquadumping as possible. For those of you who weren’t ever fortunate enough to spend an extended period of time on a sailboat or grow up near the water, you may not have ever dropped logs in the water. But there is in fact a fine art to the aqua dookie, you have to start squeezing and swim away as fast as possible, but also know that your body is going to create a current suction and drag that crap towards you.

So my first piece of advice to the lifeguards looking to catch this serial water shitter is to look for a person hanging close to the jets in the pool. Because a smart pool pooper will be angling those logs into the jets and have them sent streaming off into the pool. But as for the ‘Brown Bomber’ at hand, here’s what we know so far according to TVNZ:

A mystery pooper dubbed the ‘brown bomber’ has struck an Invercargill pool complex for a sixth Friday in a row.

Splash Palace Aquatic Centre manager Pete Thompson told Fairfax Media that a “smidgeon” of poo was found in the leisure pool at about 4.30pm.

It is the sixth week in a row that pool staff have had to call a ‘code brown’.

“The mode is dissimilar to anything else we have had. It was a very tiny 10 cent piece-size which suggests it probably came out of a baby’s togs,” Thompson said.

Splash Palace staff had been on the lookout for the ‘brown bomber’ after finding deposits in the pool five weeks in a row.

However, the man, woman or child behind today’s incident still managed to elude them.

This is easily the most interesting thing to happen in New Zealand so far this year. Hands down the ‘Brown Bomber’ is the biggest news story the Kiwi’s have been hit with in 2015, and I love it.

[Tip of the hat to Nate @ BarstoolSports for finding and sharing this scoop!]

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