Hey Hero, Chill Out With The Wind Sprints Because Science Says Cardio Lowers Men’s Sex Drive

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You go for a run today bro? Good, good for you, hero. You must feel really fucking good about yourself, huh. I ate an entire bag of Totino’s pizza rolls and sucked down two Mountain Dews. You think you’re better than me, Prefontaine? Well, according to science, my lazy ass actually has a functional dick. That’s more than your healthy, productive dick can say.

Via NCBI:

Exposure to higher levels of chronic intense and greater durations of endurance training on a regular basis are significantly associated with a decreased libido scores in men. Clinicians who treat male patients for sexual disorders and, or council couples on infertility issues should consider the degree of endurance exercise training a man is performing as a potential complicating factor.

So there you have it bros. Scientists advise getting your exercise solely from sex, basically. Three uninspired pumps and I’m raining buckets on top of the chick. I usually don’t have returning customers.

[h/t Total Frat Move]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.