The CDC Says The E. Coli Outbreak At Chipotle Is Over, So Go Take Some Solid Lava Dumps Instead Of E. Coli Poops

It’s been a rough year for Chipotle – from closing 43 stores because of reported violent, bloody diarrhea to 28 Boston College students getting reported violent, bloody diarrhea, “poop” is the word and it’s been on your mind when you’re at Chipotle. Although if we’re being technical, it’s “E. coli” that’s on our minds and not just poop since, y’know, that’s the whole reason everyone’s been crapping their brains out and why Chipotle’s CEO had to apologize for making everybody sick.

But good looks folks, because the CDC has officially come out to say that Chipotle’s E. coli outbreak is done and done-er:

So what does that mean for us peasants? Well, for one thing it means we can go back to eating at Chipotle. For two, it means that depending on how hearty your constitution is, the poops you take immediately following ingesting their brand of fast-casual Mexican food will return to being regular ol’ lava dumps (poop speckled with blood) instead of E. coli shits (rampant, unhinged diarrhea). This is a nice update because I prefer my Mexican food with a side of guac instead of death…unless they’re charging for the guac. In that case I’ll choose death over paying extra for chunky green shit in a cup, thank you very much.


[H/T Uproxx]