Octopuses And Squids Are Getting Bigger, Stronger, Faster, And Living Longer



Is there a worse class of animal in the world than Cephalopoda? Fuck no, there ain’t. You know what shit that group includes? All the worst things in the water. Squids. Octopuses. Cuttlefishes. Nautiluses. The Fucking Kraken.

All cephalopods are alien species from another galaxy, casually swimming in the ocean, waiting for their time to rise up and enslave humanity.

Why the fuck else would they need all them tentacles?

Hey, good afternoon, happy Monday, it appears that time has come.

A new study found that all cephalopods in the ocean are getting bigger, living longer, and increasing in fucking numbers.

Gearing up for a goddamn war, basically.

From Newsweek

The global population of cephalopods—a group of animals that includes octopus, squid and cuttlefish—has been slowly but steadily growing for more than 50 years, new research shows.

The growth of these populations may be due in part to increasing temperatures, says Bronwyn Gillanders, a researcher at the University of Adelaide in Australia. Warmer waters allow some cephalopods to grow more quickly, get bigger and live longer, she says.

For example, Humboldt squid, (Dosidicus gigas), also known as jumbo squid, have increased in size and may live twice as long now than they did decades ago.

HA HA HA older, wiser squids? Fuck that. Passing along more squid knowledge to younger generations.

How’s this for a fun fact?

Prior to the late 1990s, fisherman in South America sought jumbo squid that generally reached weights of four pounds. But since that time, there are many more large Humboldt squid, which can weigh more than 80 pounds

They’re twenty times bigger. That’s like, in 20 years, the average bro going from 170 pounds to 3,400 pounds.

What would you do with all that extra heft? Not destroy everything that came in your path?


I’m moving to Jupiter.

RELATED: Watch How Bad Octopuses Will Fuck You Up

[Via Newsweek]

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