Chances are you’re an idiot

One day I’m gonna wake up, look in

the mirror, and laugh. Not because I remembered that I set a Taco Bell on fire
last night, or because there’s still puke in my beard from that rager at
Steve-O’s house. Nope, it’ll most likely be when I wake up to find that my
Aston Martin was totaled by myself the night before. But it’s okay, I’ll buy a
new one. How long will it be til’ that day, no one knows. But until that day,
life will be a journey that is left up to me to decide to do with it. What are
you gonna be doing the moment I’m laughing at my fucking badass life? Probably
just being content with your mediocre one that you’ve worked so hard to get.

Are you going to look back one day
and be pissed that you tried that one hit of weed? (For god’s sake don’t call
it pot, you antique bag of dust). No, you won’t. For fuck’s sake, look at me.
Eighteen years old, downright fucking the system in the ass every moment I take
a breath of some fresh motherfuckingMichigan
air. A line of coke here. 10 Adderral pills there (For an essay my self-righteous
TA was so pleasant enough to give me along with six impossible prompts to
choose from). How about smoking a quarter O of sweet, sweet Ganja in some fat
blunts you took the time and effort to perfect. Maybe a trip on Salvia once or
twice down the road. Hell, might as well take some shrooms and walk through
your campus park with a stick, thinking you’re Gandalf the Grey (Because let’s
be honest, he’s so much better than Gandalf the White).

Fuck what you hear. Fuck what the
news tells you, fuck what your teachers tell you, and fuck what the general
ideas of society tells you. Truly, what the fuck is holding you back from shit?
Think about it. Just fucking think about that for a second. What? You can’t
comprehend that thought? Take a break from reading this, go drop acid or snort
some addy then come back and start reading again. You fucking get it now? No, I’m
sure you don’t. But that’s why I’m still typing this thrill ride of a thought
so you’ll break down the fortress of fuckery that the world has built around
the lining of your cerebral cortex.

We’ve all heard the same line “Nothing’s
impossible”, or some horse shit like that. It means nothing to you, am I right?
Oh yeah, I can do anything I want in this world. I’ll be a lawyer or a doctor. No.
Shut the fuck up. That’s not what you’re going to be. You’re going to be a
condescending fuck following the bullshit regulations of life set forth by
every other close-minded, geriatric ass-hat in this hell-hole of a world.

Why don’t you be awesome? Do
something fucking wild. I mean sure, go ahead and be a lawyer. How are you
gonna get to that point though? Get a four-point in undergrad studies then
totally kill your LSAT bro and get accepted into Harvard? Why don’t you nut up
and take the path less traveled. And by that I mean make your own fucking path.
The possibilities are ENDLESS. If I want to stay single for the rest of my
life, get rich off an absurd idea, and move toBrazilwhere I constantly rail prostitutes,
then what is stopping me? I, for one, am not coming back to my twenty year
reunion at high school to bitch about how my boss is such a dick sometimes but the
money’s alright so I’ll take it. Hell, I may be too hungover to even make it to
the reunion. Or I may be too tried from having railed my former high school
slam-piece the night before, who is married with a kid. But the chances are, I’ll
still love myself too much to miss the opportunity to show-boat how much
fucking cooler and more successful I’ve gotten since high school.

Completely theoretical of course,
but doesn’t everything begin with a theory? One simple idea could cultivate and
evolve into something so complex, it takes on a life of its own. I’m sure Bill
Gates wasn’t sitting at home one day and was like “Yo, Imma create a fucking
box which let’s me control a fake dude on a tv that can go kill hookers, rob
banks, and shoot any motherfucker on the block.” Nah, Bill Gates probably
looked at a micro chip one day, got a hard-on, and wanted to plug it into a tv
and make it display his name. Then he put his ass to work to make that happen.

You’re probably at the point where
you say to yourself, “This dude is without a doubt on crack and is entertaining
the shit out of me”. Just because I’m challenging everything society has ever
shoved down your throat doesn’t mean I’m hitting the crack pipe. I’m actually
sitting in my room at my prestigious university, scratching my balls and eating
some god damned chicken wings. ‘Merica.

I’m just saying take a good hard
look at yourself and wonder why you’re not happy, and I’m sure it’s because you
don’t do whatever the fuck you want to do. Don’t go off murdering people
because that’s idiotic and I don’t advise that. But live a little man. Live a
little. Take the non-conventional way to the finish line and you may come out
with some bruises, but damn, wasn’t that a good time? If you don’t think so,
wait five years and I guarantee you’ll give two shits less.