Not gonna lie, if I wasn’t grossed out by liver spots and hair growing out of places it shouldn’t be, there’s a chance I’d totally be down to give this a shot. “Sugar Daddy University” is coming to Midtown in New York City, led by “professional” sugar baby Carla Abonia and her sugar daddy, Alan Schneider. You’d think that the class would mostly consist of women learning how to smell the difference between a 100 dollar bill and a peasant-like $5 through someone’s wallet, but supposedly there’s a “curriculum”.
“The pair teach five key elements of being a successful sugar daddy or sugar baby through the curriculum – Sexuality, Understanding, Generosity, Attraction and Reciprocity. They even have plastic surgeons – as well as relationship and financial experts – on hand to advise women how to look better as they or their sugar daddy invest in their appearance.”
Yes, because my accountant gives the greatest advice on what shade of lipstick is “in” during the summer. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re sitting there saying to yourself “This whole thing is about girls legally pimping themselves out to old people.” I’m inclined to agree, but “headmaster” Schneider thinks differently.
“It’s not just about sex – we help them discover a spark, a real connection and many couples get married. Because of the understanding it happens more regularly than other marriages.”
What connection would that be? The one where he writes her a check for her weekly allowance, or the one where he tells the same story about Normandy for the 50th time and she’s tuned out 3 words in? I’ll give credit where credit is due though, if these girls have the patience for 24/7 conversations with senile old men, they might just deserve whatever cash is thrown their way.