I’ve posted about man buns far more than I’ve wanted to. I thought the man buns would become an extinct fad when I posted about a study claiming that chicks hate man buns. Or when Brandon brought you the news that samurai knots are causing baldness. But, like a pesky herpe sore, they keep coming back.
But I don’t necessarily hate the man bun itself, I hate the person behind it. And you know the guy I’m talking about: that smug, faux-enlightended ass clown who thinks just because he’s stood up on a surf board once in San Diego and bought a dream catcher from a thrift store, that he suddenly has a leg up on you. That phony with a sleeve of meaningless tattoos who learned three chords to ‘Wonderwall’ and posts black and white Instagram pictures with his guitar like he’s fucking Jimi Hendrix. That dude who always seems to be with a chick way out of his league because he told her that he was an ‘artist’ but the last picture he drew was a sharpied dick on his buddy’s forhead after he passed out two years ago. This dude’s a fraud, through and through.
But then there’s a lower species. A more insufferable bunch.
The dudes who want to be the man bun guy so bad but they can’t grow out their hair properly.
The dudes who would buy this:
A clip on man bun. For the price of one package of bullets, you can secure yourself a man bun from Groupon for just $9.99.
Sorry redheads, no one was thinking about you. But you’re used to that. Jk, redhead bros. Jk.
Per the product description:
This attachable – and, equally important, detachable – man bun lets you blend in with your surroundings, putting it on when you smell fair-trade coffee or hear a banjo, and taking it off when someone utters the word ‘bro.’
BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO BRO.
No, we don’t yet have a cure for cancer, but we sure as hell have a trendy hairpiece that will make you a bigger douchebag than you’ve ever dreamed. THANKS, UNIVERSE!
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