It Can’t Get Any Creepier Than Clowns Attacking A Mom And Daughter With Sex Toys At A Haunted House

scary clown


Two dudes dressed as clowns allegedly attacked a teenage girl and her mother with vibrating sex toys in the parking lot of a haunted house, but the civil lawsuit brought against the attraction and its employees was settled out of court. The haunted house’s website claims to offer the scariest attractions in the Midwest each year:
“This custom built haunted house … is designed to give mature audiences the scare of their lives.” Mission accomplished!

According to the mother who filed the suit, the experience left her daughter with emotional and psychological injuries. From my perspective, that can go one of two ways for the teen – the trauma develops into a fetish (which not as uncommon as you’d think) or she just completely shuts down her hormones and signs a letter of intent at the nation’s top nunnery.

robert keller scary clown sex toy haunted house

The lawsuit also revealed that one of the creeper clowns was supposedly simulating sex acts on a teddy bear that had a vibrator attached to it.

Records show the other clown pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, was sentenced to 30 hours of community service, 12 months of supervision with required reporting back to court and fined $500.

There are only two clowns that I’m down with: Krusty…

krusty the clown itchy scratchy

…and Homey…

homey don't play that

“So, have you been dressing up as the universal symbol of childhood fear and terrorizing still developing minds with your selection of get-off gadgets?”

“No, sir”

“Cool… say, my wife heard about you and was wondering if you could make any recommendations? Our anniversary is coming up.”

Via Fark, Chicago Tribune