I Got Blackout Drunk At Comic Con And Allegedly Spent Most Of The Night Slapping A Celebrity In The Nuts
This weekend, thousand of comic, movie, TV and wrestling fans will descend upon the Javitz Center in New York City for the annual Comic Con event. For some fans, it’s the chance to meet and mingle with their heroes and other like-minded fans. For one guy, that’s me, Comic Con is the location of one colossal nightmare. Here’s my story….
The year 2011 was legendary. The first episode of EpicMealTime was released in October of 2010. The first year was filled with a ton of amazing first experiences. The group was really climbing the ladder of success at a remarkable speed and got to experience so much in such a quick amount of time that 2011 was almost completely a blur of awesomeness. One event that particularly stands out was our involvement in the 2011 San Diego Comic Con. The reason it stands out to me is because I can’t remember any of it.
Comic Con was a big deal for us; not only were we all huge nerds at heart, and were blown away by the fact we were invited as special guests to the biggest nerd gathering in the world, but this was going to be Epic Meal Time’s first live show. We had tossed around the idea numerous times and it was finally time to see it in action. But we knew it wouldn’t be simple.
It’s difficult to convert an online cooking show that takes 10-12 hours to film into a decent 60-minute live performance that captivates and entertains an audience. We were confident none the less. The event, which would take place at the San Diego House Of Blues, was going to be in front of an audience of a couple thousand people. The bigger the audience, the better for me, so I was excited.
Unfortunately, I was dealing with a wicked cold that day. We were traveling all day, flying from Montreal to Los Angeles and then driving from Los Angeles to San Diego, so I wanted to pump myself full of medicine in order to feel better for that evening’s big show. Before the flight, and shortly after we landed, I downed a couple gulps of DayQuil. Luckily, it did the trick and I was feeling great by the time dress rehearsal got started around 6pm. Once the run-through was complete, at around 7pm, we had roughly two hours to relax and hang out at the venue before the show started. So, we did the logical thing and began drinking in the green room.
At this point, I had completely forgotten about the DayQuil consumption. I was feeling fine and that was hours prior to the show. It couldn’t have still been in my system. As it turns out, it was. Also, DayQuil doesn’t mix so well with Jack Daniels.
The rest of the story will be recounts of what other people told me, since my memory of the evening stops at that point. I remember only having two or three glasses of Jack Daniels mixed with Coca-Cola — and I normally have an incredibly high tolerance for alcohol — but I guess that was enough to do me in.
Apparently, the show went great. According to the footage I watched the following day, I sat on the floor for a large portion of it, but I was still talking and cracking jokes on the microphone and contributing. There’s plenty of times where I make that “Where am I again?” face, which is always a healthy sign. We entertained the audience for a full hour by yelling, screaming, pouring, drinking, cooking, and eating. It was a great success and I think everyone involved was very impressed.
We got off stage and got back to the green room, where a familiar face was waiting to meet us — Tony Hawk. Since Comic Con, I’ve had the privilege to hang out and get to know Tony and his family on several occasions and I’m glad to say he’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. This was our first time meeting him, though.
According to what I’m told, I was not very nice to Tony. First, I would only refer to him as “TonyHawk” in full, which is probably not annoying at all. Also, I was sarcastically pretending to be all impressed by him (which, in hindsight, was probably not sarcastic at all since it’s Tony Friggin Hawk). Worst of all, apparently I sacked him a number of times. For those who don’t know, “sacking” is something that college douchebags do to one another that simply entails smacking your buddy in the nut sack. I must have smacked Tony Hawk in the dick n’ balls a dozen or so times. I’ve since had the opportunity to apologize for the incident, and he graciously found it funny in hindsight, although admitted to hating it while it was happening to him.
There was another familiar face in our green room — Candice Michelle. You may know her from her career as a WWE Diva, or as the GoDaddy girl. Either way, she was there and I was gonezo. I’m told that I spoke to her off in a corner for quite a while, with no recollection of the conversation or what we spoke about. I can only imagine the incoherent garbage I was spewing at her. Poor lady. Poor, poor, incredibly hot lady.
There were also some large YouTube network executives present. One of which, a nice professional woman, I had a full conversation with for several minutes, pretending to pay attention and nod my head along in agreement. Then, while she was in mid-sentence, I proceeded to lower my pants to my ankle and stand there in my underwear. All while maintaining eye contact and making it seem like I was still paying attention and interested. Nice going, Tyler.
The rest of the night gets even hazier; we left the venue and I was no longer being watched as carefully. Apparently, we went to a swanky party on a rooftop somewhere. While at the swanky rooftop party, I puked all over the place. Specifically, I puked in a sand garden. That must have been a real hoot to clean up. Since I was in no shape to be out in public or see other humans, Alex (AKA MusclesGlasses) decided he’d bring me back to the hotel. Actually, he decided that he hates socializing with people and would prefer to go alone to the Denny’s right next to our hotel, but I like to think he was being a good friend and taking care of me instead.
We pulled up to the hotel in a cab and Alex told me he was going to Denny’s. Apparently, I told him I was fine and feeling much better and that I was going to skip Denny’s and just go to my room. That was a lie, since they found me in the hotel hallway completely passed out in front of a stranger’s door. I was also holding my cellphone to my ear with no one on the other end. After checking my call history the next day, I saw that I was talking to my then-girlfriend. I called her back and asked what I was saying the previous night and she basically told me “you were making zero sense, I had to hang up on you.”
Alex got me up, got me away from that stranger’s door and brought me to my room. I had one of the soundest sleeps of my life and woke up feeling completely refreshed. No hangover, no headache, no memories, no nothing. I walked to the pool, where the gang was already up and hanging out, and everyone was in shock to see that I wasn’t a zombie and that I felt fine. They proceeded to inform me, to my disbelief, everything I did the previous night. Needless to say, it was definitely one of my favorite nights…that I’ll never remember.