Well, today I have to report that some poor soul in Germany died after an explosion mishap when he and two other cronies allegedly tried use a homemade explosive to blow up a condom vending machine (???). I know, I’m scratching my head too. Upon seeing the original headline, I thought “Ummm how does a condom machine just blow up? And when is the last time I even saw a condom vending machine?” before realizing that the guy who died actually attempted to blow it up. On Christmas Day, nonetheless.
What kind of life decisions lead you down the path to a totally macabre ending like this one? Like, was this supposed to be a political statement or something? Guess we’ll never know…because he died and everything but not before coming clean to doctors about the detonation gone shlong.
From Sky News:
The 29-year-old was brought into hospital with a head injury by two other men who first told doctors their colleague injured himself falling downstairs.
But suspicious medical staff called police.
The men subsequently admitted that they had tried to blow up the machine and the victim was injured by a piece of flying metal from by the blast.
I can only imagine what that conversation was like.
His friends: “Yeah, he just fell down the steps…”
Doctor: “But there’s shrapnel in his head.”
Friends: “Okay, we’ve got to come clean — we actually tried to blow up a condom vending machine…”
Doctor: [protected-iframe id=”e47f72a09679b1e8eb8c268e7095a436-97886205-98225156″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/c9FKHGP9GGjEk” width=”480″ height=”270″ frameborder=”0″ class=”giphy-embed” allowfullscreen=””]
He later died of his injuries.
Officers say the suspects apparently got into a car after priming the explosion but the 29-year-old failed to close his door and was hit by debris when the machine exploded.
Police alerted to the explosion in the town of Schoeppingen, close to the border with the Netherlands, on Christmas Day found condom packets and cash lying on the ground, apparently untouched.
What a TERRIBLE way to go out. The dude that tried to ruin everyone else’s sexy time, and failed spectacularly. Sucks.
[H/T Sky News]