One Way To Not Win Over Your Office Crush Is By Throwing Your Sperm On Her, Like This Guy Did

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Courting rituals have changed tremendously over the course of human history. What we do now — dinner, drinks, texting — would have been considered absurd by the people of the 1200s. And what people did then, extremely primitive by our standards, would be seen as downright progressive by neanderthals.

I think there’s one thing that all of humanity would disapprove of as a way to win over your love: throwing your semen at them. Nowadays, it’s offensive. Eons ago, ape-like humans wouldn’t have been so stupid as to waste a resource like that.

That’s a cop in Manhattan’s move, however. From the New York Post:

A veteran NYPD sergeant allegedly splashed semen on a civilian employee as she walked down a hallway at One Police Plaza, where they both work, sources told The Post on Tuesday.

The victim, an administrative aide in her 60s, had just left the women’s rest room and was walking back to her office when Sgt. Michael Iscenko, 54, allegedly approached her from behind and splashed the substance on her leg and shoe, the source said.

According to NY Mag’s Daily Intelligencer, the suspect had a crush on the victim.

Probs didn’t win her over.