To My Coworkers Who Think It’s Okay to Eat the Office Hummus Straight From the Container

by 4 years ago


It has come to my attention that several employees of our SoHo office (who will remain nameless despite being deserving of severe public scorn for their gross indifference to basic human decency (let’s just say they are in sales)) believe it is acceptable to consume our office’s collective hummus at their desks directly from its plastic container.

I don’t understand how anyone could believe that that is an acceptable way to behave, not in an era so rife with communicable diseases. But I have seen it with my own eyes, by more than one employee. Not only is it dangerous, it is fucking gross. That is a shared commodity and should thus be consumed as such (I can’t believe I have to explain to you all how this should work, but here goes).

The logical, reasonable, respectful and non-negotiable way to consume office hummus (as well as other fridge products including but not limited to: carrots, juice, and that one large bag of Tosititos we always seem to have) is to use a utensil to scoop the amount you desire into a personal bowl. That way, you are not hovering and breathing over a container of hummus we all wish to enjoy, ruining anyone’s ability to savor the piquant blend of chickpeas and tahini which we all love.

Here, I made a drawing if you are still confused.


So please, take three seconds to be a cleaner and better person. That’s all I ask.

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