Doctor Says You Can Catch Herpes And HPV From Tanning Beds—But GTL Is Life, So Now I’m Conflicted

A dermatologist and associate professor at the Mayo Clinic has recently made claims that tanning beds can be can transfer STI’s from herpes to HPV, as well as containing poopy bacteria. So those of you who are living that ‘GTL’ life need to think twice, unless you’re cool with poopy herpes all over your body.

One of the best AND worst things ‘Jersey Shore’ ever did was drop the phrase ‘GTL’ on the world. On the one hand it was, at one time, a funny phrase to toss around ironically. But on the other hand it just brought more attention to the cast of ‘Jersey Shore’, some of the most wretched reality star personalities in the world (except DJ Pauly D, he’s alright). There’s no doubt in my mind that ‘Jersey Shore’ directly led to an increase in tanning bed usage, and as we are about to find out, that’s pretty disgusting.

In an interview with Yahoo!, dermatologist Dawn Marie Davis, MD, claims that nasty bacteria and sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted from tanning beds. That some of these STI’s such as herpes and HPV can withstand the extreme heat of a tanning bed, and wretched bacterias from your booty can live on the tanning bed for extended periods of time, effectively rubbing poopy all over the next person to sit in the tanning bed.

Davis says staphylococcus bacteria (which can cause skin infections), fecal bacteria, herpes virus, and wart-causing human papillomavirus are able to survive in a tanning bed. “In my practice, I’ve seen acquired bacterial infections, warts, and herpes infections from tanning beds based on the timing of the infection and distribution of the infection,” she says.

Many people think the ultraviolet light is able to kill off any and all germs lurking in the tanning bed. They also assume that all the technicians in a salon thoroughly clean the tanning beds after each use, and that the person who used the tanning bed right before wore clothing, like a swimsuit, while they tanned.

I had a friend in H.S. who used to work at a tanning bed. If I recall correctly she worked there for all of ONE SHIFT. It took just a few hours into her new job until a pervert came out laughing and smirking, and she went in to clean the tanning bed and found a disgusting mess of semen. She quit on the spot. It was also that very moment in which I vowed to share that story with as many people as possible, to stop them from every going into a tanning bed. Because everyone needs to know just how filthy and disgusting they truly are.

But if you’re not ready to cut ‘GTL’ out from your life then you just keep on keeping on, and hope that you done end up with poop on your elbows and herpes all over your junk, because according to at least one doctor that is a very real possibility. There’s also that whole issue of ‘skin cancer’, but you know all about that.

As for the headline, and me being ‘conflicted’, my issue is this: I think it’s important to perpetuate ‘GTL’ in society as some minor form of social darwinism. Those who think that ‘GTL is life’ should keep on thinking that, and sooner or later they’ll weed themselves out of society with herpes and skin cancer. Then we can get back to a harmonious world full of ‘G and L’.