I am not condoning this sort of misanthropic behavior, especially if it happens to the train that I am traveling on. With that being said, this is pretty fucking funny, since it didn’t happen to me.
The terrifying tale comes to us via the Facebook of Chris Harrigan.
Guys this is the true crime story of the decade:
Yesterday a friend told me what might well be the best story I’ve ever heard. She had caught the train in from Frankston. And while she was waiting for the train to come, she noticed a man sitting down on the platform with a bag of fish and chips. But he wasn’t really eating them. He was just sort of letting them air.
This attracted a few seagulls, who began to circle the platform. Instead of shooing the birds away, the man offered them a few chips. He’d toss one a foot or so away from him. It was like he was beckoning them to come closer. He kept doing this, eking the chips out slowly, until there was a big group of seagulls in front of him, 15 or 20. A tiny army. He’d throw them a chip every now and then – just enough to keep the birds interested, but not enough to sate them. It was frustrating. They were getting angry. Squawking. It was like he was rearing them up for… something.
Then the train came, and everyone got on. But the man stayed on the ground with his chips. Just when the train was about to leave. It happened.
Right before the doors closed, the man threw the entire bag of the fish and chips into the train. The entire flock of seagulls followed the bag. And the doors closed. Inside the train: pandemonium.
The next train stop was five minutes away.
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MY EYES! THEY’RE PECKING OUT MY EYES!!!
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MOTHERFUCKING BIRDS ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!
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Once the train arrived at the next stop I suspect it looked something like this.
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For those fortunate souls who dodged having their eyeballs pecked out by jagged beaks, they had the privilege of being sprayed with liquid shit by 107 seagulls in a small and confined space. Oh the tragic scene must have smelled and looked like the set of a bukkake film.
While this prank sounds like cheeky shenanigans, let’s talk about the real ramifications of such haphazard actions. This irresponsible individual just wasted a perfectly good order of fish and chips. What a maniac.