Guy Goes On A Date With A ‘Hot Local Single In My Area,’ Gets The Cheapest Heist Of The Century Pulled On Him

by 4 years ago


I’m all about free shit. I haven’t bought or packed a lunch in the past 2 weeks because I’ve been scheisting food out of the office snack supply on a regular basis and have somehow learned to subsist entirely off of peanut butter snack crackers and M&M’s, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t buy groceries, I design my own shoes sometimes rather than going out and blowing $400 on a custom pair and this past weekend I made my own tie-dye high-waisted shorts for a festival I’m going to rather than blowing $80 on the only decent pair I could find online.

In other words, I am a cheap motherfucker.

You know who else is a cheap motherfucker? The “hot local single” in this story provided to us by Reddit user bigsaks5. She takes it to a whole new level though – never in my life would I have thought this scheme up, and not only is it brilliant but she’s literally only scheisting ~$1 out of it. That’s what you call dedication, my friends.

Greatest/worst thing ever just happened to me, so buckle up’s story time:

Girl on a dating app tells me in the first few messages that I’m really cute (true) and interesting (also true) and asks me to meet her at 1140am for coffee at a random McDonald’s. When I ask if she’s a 45 year old man trying to harvest my organs, she proceeds to send me 15 pictures in a row that look like they’re straight from Facebook.

Because that’s how you convince somebody you’re real (not true).

Now normally I don’t accept propositions like this because I’m thinking “what’s the catch?” Well, I decide to live a little on the YOLO side…and since it’s right next to a Subway Sandwich shop I think that the worst that could happen is it’s a 45 year old lonely man, I give him a big hug because I know the feeling as a 25 year old lonely man, get a tasty sandwich, then go home. Apparently that was NOT the worst thing that could happen.

I show up. She shows up. She’s real. I’m surprised. I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise. She uses her McCafe frequent buyers card so she gets stamps. Its cute. While the guy is making her drink, she tells me to go find a table outside in the sun. I go outside and find the perfect goddamn table because I’m a romantic at heart. 5 minutes later. 10 minutes later. 15 minutes later. No girl. I text her the typical guy message “lol u get lost???”. No response. Turns out she took the coffee and left.

So I’m not saying it’s bad to leave a date if you feel uncomfortable or aren’t attracted to them. It’s totally your decision. But I don’t think that’s the case…I think this girl is a serial McCafe dater. And I don’t think this was her first time. It was too professional. Too clean. It was the perfect McHeist. And I’m starting to think I’m not even mad…she didn’t steal my credit card, or my organs. Just a few euros.

And my heart.

*Gif only semi-related.*

giphy (76)

[H/T Reddit]