As it turns out, once you pop, the fun does stop. This holds true in sex and, in Pringles’ case, advertising dollars, too. That’s probably why Mr. Pringle’s sweet mustachioed face hasn’t been on the television for what feels like decades.
Just because the logo/mascot isn’t around to steal our girlfriends anymore doesn’t mean that their strangely polarizing chips are gone. For some reason, Pringles always manage to appear when you’re at your lowest point. Whether you’re sick, drunk, or depressed,Pringles will somehow find their way into your life. They’re more or less “yo, you’re fuckin’ up” indicators. They’re also delicious. Sometimes. I don’t know.
The Top Five Flavors
Not going to lie to you guys. I had a BBQ Pringles-related existential crisis earlier today:
my greatest flaw, as a human, is my unwavering love of BBQ Pringles even though I know in my heart that they’re disgusting
— WJ (@WMsDiary) December 2, 2014
I have always referred to BBQ Pringles as “the reliable booty-call” of snacks, which is quite possibly the highest level of compliment that I can give. You might not necessarily like them, but they are always there for you when you need them most. Pizza shop line too long? Good thing 7-Eleven is always suspiciously well stocked with BBQ Pringles. Not quite what you wanted, but not a the worst alternative you can think of, right?
Old reliable. The gold standard of non-greasy, curved potato chips. Similar to the BBQ chip, I’m not sure these are even good. Like, I’ll eat an entire container and sit there in amazement at what the hell just happened. But this palate-purgatory is the exact stability that I need from my snacks. No tricks, no pizzazz, just straight fullback runs up the gut for three yards a pop. Call me old fashioned all you want, but I want ‘original flavor’ to be the ‘basic betch’ of my chip flavors.
Yeah, so what, they swagger-jacked pepperoni pizza-flavored Combos with the intensity of 1000 suns? Pizza Pringles changed the game entirely. I’d even go as far to say that they are the Rosa Parks of flavored potato chips. The true pioneer for all sorts of ridiculous, stupid potato chip flavors that eventually paved the way for internet lists like these. Ipso factor, Pizza Pringles created BroBible. And content. You’re welcome.
4. Loaded Baked Potato
Wildcard, bitches! Seriously, where the FUCK did they come from with Loaded Baked Potato. The first time I saw these, I literally gasped. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but you have to play all the mind games that you can when your mom is pushing the shopping cart at the supermarket. That said, they’re not that good. Once the novelty wears off, it’s just another cylindrical chip container that flew too close to the sun.
5. Cheddar Cheese
If there was no such thing as a Cheez-It, the Cheddar Cheese Pringle would have thrived. They’re completely fine (by Pringles standards), but when it comes down to airy cheddar snacks, it’s hard to beat Cheez-Its. But, like all Pringles that have come before you, they’ll always be there. If a store is somehow running low on artificially flavored cheddar crackers, you can bet your ass they have thousands of Cheddar Pringles on hand. Because. Pringles. Might. Not. Be. Made. From. Potatoes. There, I said it.
Just missing the cut: Sour Cream & Onion, Ranch, French Onion Dip
The bottom five:
1. Soft-Shell Crab: The streets were NOT clamoring for this
2. Screamin’ Dill Pickle: Firm belief that you should just leave pickles the fuck alone.
3. Grilled Shrimp: If you need the satisfying taste of imitation shrimp and Red Lobster is not at a feasible price point, you have more problems than you know.
4. Fat Free Original: How dare you?
5. Street Food Indonesian Satay: Perfect for those occasions where you want to poop your brains out!
RIP, aspersion filled “anti-bag” commercials. You are missed: