We’ve all heard the stories about how getting married = flaccid boners fo’ lyfe. Maybe sex after marriage drops off because you get bored with your partner, or because you’ve finally seen them poop with the bathroom door open and not even Kate Upton wrestling naked with Miranda Kerr could get you hard after seeing your wife take a dump – but something about saying “I do” seems to put an almost permanent stop to all blowjobs, rimjobs, salad-tossing and basically anything that might make you bust.
But not for this special lady.
A Dubai woman is trying to divorce her husband because he can’t handle having sex with her 2-3 times per day. Not per week, per day. To be fair I don’t even know if I could handle having sex 2-3 times a day. I’ve got shit to do, you know? Like if I’m watching Mad Men reruns and my boyfriend saunters up to me and waves his boner in my face that shit is not happening; clearly I’m busy. Don’t these people have jobs? Obligations? Interests/hobbies? I guess not.
“The wife claims that her husband can only have sex with her three to four times a week… but she deems that unsatisfactory. After she and her countryman husband failed to reach an amicable settlement, the case was referred to the Sharia Court to look into the woman’s divorce claim,” sources close to the case told Gulf News.
When confronted by the presiding judge, the claimant [wife] said she desires to have sexual intercourse with her husband twice or thrice a day but he cannot fulfil her demands…
“The court informed the woman that her claim for divorce due to what she describes as damages is not sufficient to leave her husband. The wife insisted that her husband fails to satisfy her needs. In her lawsuit, the wife alleged that the defendant [husband] should either be able to please her or grant her a divorce,” added the source.
Rather than high-fiving the husband for having found the one married woman who wants to bone 24/7, the presiding judge allegedly told the wife that she should seek medical treatment. After telling the judge to politely fuck off and insisting that her husband is a useless bag of limp dicks, the courts decided to refer the husband to a doctor for a medical checkup to make sure he was even capable of having sex in the first place.
Or y’know…you could just grant them the divorce and be done with the whole stupid thing. But who likes taking the easy road out anyway?