Look at all of our past presidents and tell me which ones you think had trouble getting a boner. Bill Clinton definitely has Viagra running through his blood naturally, and don’t get me started on why they dubbed Roosevelt as the prez with the “Big Stick” policy – but Nixon? Hoover? Harding? Yeah, I could see all those polished turds definitely lacking juice in the sheets. In other words, if you’re going to be a good president you have to be able to make good fuck.
Unfortunately for all you fucking zealots out there, Donald Trump does not make good fuck…reportedly.
According to a passage in a 1993 biography titled Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump that’s been gaining traction of late due to being reported on by Politico, one of the reasons Trump’s first marriage to Ivana fell apart was because his mast had trouble reaching full sail:
Want to know where Trump inherited his entrepreneurial bent? Gwenda Blair traces it to his grandfather, who ran a series of restaurants in the Klondike that featured some of the best food in town, as well as private areas where ‘sporting ladies’ could ‘entertain’ miners. Who was really doing the deals that made Trump famous? Wayne Barrett will tell you the only signature that really mattered on a contract belonged to Trump’s father, Fred. What broke up Trump’s first marriage? Harry Hurt III writes that Ivana ‘confided to female friends that Donald had difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection.’
Yep, THAT’S the guy you’re voting for – dude can’t even fuck right. How hard is it to fuck? 13-year-olds make fuck better than The Donald and yet no one’s trying to get my little cousin Ralphie elected president.
Great decision making skills, America – someone call up Michael Douglas. If we’re going to elect an entertainer with ED it may as well be someone worthwhile.