It takes a special type of someone to be so mentally incompetent yet so fucking rich that they’ve got stacks on stacks of cash laying around his home, and for that reason Junior Francis, 33, is my new personal hero. Yes, he is an idiot and yes, he deals drugs…but so what? If you could lower my IQ to Simple Jack-esque levels and still make oodles and noodles of money, would you do it?
I fucking would. They say ignorance is bliss and they’re not lying; being a fucking moron who thinks the sun is always shining and that rainbows lead to gold rather than leprechaun chamber pots are the happiest people on earth.
Granted, Francis probably isn’t that stupid…but he’s down there, eatin’ chocolates with Forest Gump. Tell me with a straight face that eating candy with Tom Hanks doesn’t sound awesome; plot twist, you can’t.
But back to Francis and his drug dealing. According to The Standard,
Junior Francis, 33, boasted about his extravagant lifestyle before being caught with £7,000 cash and £75,000 worth of crack cocaine and heroin during a raid on his home.
Several pictures recovered from his phone showed him posing with wads of cash pressed like a telephone to the side of his face.
The real question here though, is whether or not Francis quoted some dumbass rap lyric as a caption in his photos. If he didn’t, then he’s not the hero I thought he was.
And in an Instagram post he quoted gangster rappers Notorious BIG and Method Man, writing “everything I got I work hard for it” under a picture showing thousands of pounds in cash on a kitchen top.
WHOO, scared me for a second there but it looks like we’re all good on that front. But can we top that?
…when police looked on his mobile phone, they found evidence of the proceeds of drug dealing and links to street level dealers in south London
I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to selling (or buying) drugs, but if I were to channel my inner Tony Montana I’d be sure as shit not to:
1. Upload photos of my illegal activities to Instagram
2. Keep even more photos of said illegal activities on my phone
3. Keep drugs casually strewn about in my house
4. Keep drug dealers’ numbers in my phone
Did I cover everything? I think I did.
And that, my friends, is why Junior Francis is my new hero.
[H/T The Standard]