While the aliens are preparing day and night for world domination, we as a planet have taken a liking to fidget spinners–a totally productive, revolutionizing way to end our species. Fidget spinners will surely kill us before global warming does so mind your own business if you see me throw out an entire bag of McDonald’s on the highway. If this ship is sinking, I’m going to be the one playing the violin as it goes down. Have fun doggy paddling in the city cold Atlantic trying to get a corner of the beachwood from the grasp of that selfish jerkoff Rose.
Kids aren’t the only ones who have them. Grown ass people with grown ass jobs are rolling them around in their fingers like a freshly picked booger while North Korea is testing nuclear missiles aimed for our grandmothers’ house.
In any event, fidget spinners have expanded their role from a menial time waster to a certified better substitution for the human penis. The world can end or whatever, but I refuse to have my man meat undermined by a toddler toy.
https://twitter.com/Matt_Guajardo/status/867240075024846848
Redditors chimed in with some responses that belong in a museum.
Does she know any cool tricks?
It was only a matter of time before someone figured out a way to fuck it.
Some A+ collaboration here:
How does it… where does it… I mean, I’m an open minded woman, but I’m having trouble sorting this one out.
I think it vibrates and you just pick a corner.
In 2020, our penises will be about as useful as an Art History degree.
[h/t Reddit]