Look, I’m all for enacting some petty revenge just for the sake of fucking with people, but giving someone a fake address and then being all “Surprise! I’m NOT EVEN THERE YA DICK” is pretty lame. According to an email sent into Elite Daily:
I hooked up with this guy a few times and he used to be super nice. We were in the same friend group and went on a few trips together.
When I stopped wanting to hook up with him because of his cocky attitude, he started to get really rude and called me a slut (because I didn’t want to hook up with him). I always ignored him after that.
Anyway, after about 6 months of not talking AT ALL, this is the text I get from him… and this is what I did.
It’s a promising email, right? Revenge, sex, name-calling, basically all the ingredients of a good revenge story are here. Unfortunately for us, this girl has a really lame idea of what revenge should be.
It starts off promising.
Cool, lure him to your abode. I’m sure you have a great plan in action for when he gets there.
That’s it? Really? You made him drive somewhere, that’s your revenge? It probably didn’t even take a whole gallon of gas to get to 812 Beacon Street, so at most he wasted about $1.50. Boo hoo, that’s one less McDouble he can afford to buy, how ever will he continue living?
Now I could forgive this stupidity, if 812 Beacon Street was located somewhere ghetto and dangerous. In fact, I was hoping that it was so that I could make the title of this post “Thirsty Guy Texts Girl Looking For Booty Call, Girl Lures Him Into Dangerous Ghetto Full Of Murder Instead” (dat clickbait lyfe). Now THAT’S a title I’D click on! But nope, this is what 812 Beacon Street looks like:
I could’ve ran with at least a few dilapidated buildings, because at least then I could’ve argued that the chances of getting stabbed were around a 99%. But NOPE. The buildings are nice, and you know what else? THERE’S NO STABBINGS.
What’s a story without a few good potential situations for a stabbing? Worst “revenge” ever. I think I hate you.
Oh, and if you’re curious why the header image is a woman eating a keyboard, it’s because that was one of the first results I got when I searched “revenge” on Shutterstock. Does it apply to this story? Not at all. But did I find it highly amusing to have at the top as a non sequitur? Absolutely.