8 Easy Ways To Make Quick Money Other Than ‘Getting A Real Job’
In a perfect world, we’d all be millionaire raconteurs, but we don’t live in a perfect world, and in this world we all occasionally need to make a quick buck or two or hundred to help pay for our, uh, raconteuring.
Sure, you could just get a decent, stable job, but that comes with things like “responsibility” and “maturity,” and “hard work,” and who needs any of that? This is America, and the American Dream is to make as much money as you can while doing as little actual work as possible. And it’s with that in mind that we bring you these eight ways to make quick money.
You can make anywhere from $20 to $50 per donation and you can do it a couple of times a week, which adds up. Plus, they give you free juice and cookies when you’re done. All about that hobo life, bro. The drawbacks are all those goddamn needles and the fact that, you know, you’re getting your blood sucked out of you, only it’s not by a cool, sexy lady vampire who will make you immortal, but by a bored old nurse who just wants to stab people. Still, free juice and cookies!
Let’s kick it up a notch. For donating your manly essence, you can get paid up to $1,000 a month. Now, that’s a hell of a deal. You get paid to do something you were gonna do for free anyway. So why aren’t all the clinics overflowing with slackers jackin’ it? Well, there’s a rigorous screening process you have to pass in order to be able to donate, and then they pretty much own your dick after that. You can’t jerk it on your own time, you can’t bone down if the opportunity arises, and you’re probably going to end up with a bunch of illegitimate kids. Still, you don’t have to pay child support, and jerkin’ it for cash is pretty much peak American Dream, so roll your sleeves up and get to work.
Monetize Your Skills
For most of you, I recognize I probably just covered this. But if you do have skills that go beyond just masturbating like a hopped-up monkey, why not try to make some money off them? They can be creative skills, like photography or artwork, or *ahem* writing. Or they can be more practical skills, like, I don’t know, woodworking or whatever the hell normal people are good at, and there are people out there just waiting to pay you for them. Sure, it takes a little bit of time to prove yourself and work your way up to the glorious heights of, say, writing for BroBible, but it can be done. And once you’re in you can milk the bastards for as much as you can, and… I’ve said too much.