Meet Ed Houben. He’s fathered more than 106 kids, and he doesn’t pay child support for a single of them.
“Ummmm WTF?” you’re probably thinking to yourself. “One-hundred and six fucking kids? What the hell kind of a stallion is this guy!?”
Well, let me allow to explain this baby daddy situation a little bit. For the record, that 106 is just an approximate count which is still rising, AND Houben’s story gets better, because a majority of those children were conceived the old-fashioned way. That’s right. Houben is in the business of not only donating his sperm to parents who are unable to conceive on their own, but to insure the job is done right, Europe’s most fertile man literally gets to fuck other guys’ (and girls’) significant others.
He calls them “clients,” and I guess that’s fair enough.
GQ published a lengthy profile on the 46-year-old from the Netherlands who’s revered by those who know him as “the Babymaker,” and Houben is pretty much everything contrary to what you’d expect a man who’s bedded 100+ women to be.
Ed Houben is now, at the age of 46, one of the preeminent makers of babies on the planet, father to 106 children of whom two-thirds were made the natural way (i.e., by sexual intercourse) and a third made via artificial insemination. In addition, there are 30 or so he estimates from his years at the clinic. Put another way: Ed Houben, who once had sex once every decade, has fathered roughly ten kids every year for the past 15 years. And he’s still at it, thumping his way into history. So prodigious is his legacy that the BBC dubbed him “Europe’s most virile man,” while he regularly gets billed by media as “the Sperminator.”
Houben was literally on a ten year sex drought, then out of the blue after frequenting sperm banks for some time, he was convinced by a couple to make his donation the old-fashioned way. After pondering it for 15-minutes, he caved and said, “What the hell, why not?” And that’s been his gig since.
Nevertheless, he’s quick to describe himself as a “truly ugly fat guy with glasses.” An endomorphic bachelor with a somewhat block-shaped head and lower grill of uneven teeth, he lives in a five-room apartment, grad-school humble but relatively roomy by Dutch standards, from which his mother comes and goes, often cooking and cleaning for him. He doesn’t own a car; rather, he bikes everywhere, no matter what the weather.
In short, Ed Houben might be the world’s least likely natural inseminator (known in the donor world as an N.I., as opposed to an A.I., or artificial inseminator)—and maybe the best, if there is such a thing. Regardless, he’s a very normal-seeming person living a spectacularly abnormal life. He drinks coffee and goes to work (work he won’t specify for his employer’s sake, but it involves sharing his love for Maastricht and its history at an annual salary of 18,000 euros). He strolls the Old City, greeting those he knows with a cheery smile and slightly stiff formality.
But then, his outside-of-work schedule is constructed around an ever shifting lineup of assignations, all determined by the ovulation cycles of his clients, the women who come to him from the countries of Europe, from Brazil and Australia, Hong Kong and Japan. And sometimes, in turn, they fly him all over the world in order to mate with him. In one record week, he had six partners and 14 ejaculations (releasing around 4 billion sperm), not that he was counting. (Was he?) He’s also slept with three women in a day, and during one particular fecund streak successfully impregnated eight women in a row.
Talk about a goddamn hot streak! Women from all over the world seek out Houben for his services! This guy is the preeminent natural sperm donor IN THE WORLD.
— GQ Magazine (@GQMagazine) October 1, 2015
Just think about that for a second. Dude still has his mother cooking and cleaning for him, while he’s knocking up chicks left and right (with love and all good intentions, of course).
Houben quite obviously receives sterling reviews from all the couples he’s “done the business with,” and has never once been approached about reimbursing mothers with child support of any kind. However, he does maintain an open door policy of sorts with all of his children in the sense that he has no problem being involved in the parenting if so they or their parents wish.
That is, when he isn’t getting other women pregnant, of course.
Man, impossible is nothing.