Floating Strip Club In Deep Shit After Dumping Human Waste In Harbor

Before we jump into the human feces facet of the intriguing story, let’s not hastily breeze past the fact that some entrepreneurial individual put a strip club on a boat. The 94-foot Wild Alaskan titty barge features a stripper stage surrounded by folding chairs, a bar with a flat-screen TV and a lovely view of St. Herman Harbor in Kodiak, Alaska. The club faces no city ordinances because it’s anchored in state waters with a state liquor license.

In July, Darren Byler opened the Wild Alaskan, a strip club that was built on a crab boat (Insert STD joke here ____________). A water taxi brings passengers to the poon schooner, which charges $20 per hour as a charter fee. However don’t expect to have your bachelor party with all your friends there because it only allows 12 customers aboard at one time.

However it hasn’t been smooth sailing for the Tit-tanic since it’s inception. A few days after it’s grand opening, law enforcement agencies and the U.S. Coast Guard and briefly closed the club. Someone nervous Nelly complained there were too many people aboard the water taxi.

Then in December it had it’s liquor license revoked. The strip club was operating legally under their “common carrier” liquor license, which authorizes the sale of alcohol on a vehicle licensed for the transport of freight or passengers. However the Alaska Alcoholic Beverage Control Board claims that because the floating gentleman’s club is anchored that it doesn’t transport passengers, thus then violating the common carrier liquor license. Seems like a shitty technicality by someone who doesn’t appreciate the talents of the hardworking gals on the Wild Alaskan.

Now there are new accusations that the vag vessel is dumping shit in the harbor near Kodiak instead of taking the poo three miles offshore. I can empathize with people being upset if stripper shit is being pumped into their harbor, that really seems like a bio-hazard.

The Feb. 18 indictment also says that Byler lied to the Coast Guard when he was questioned about his waste disposal. Darren Byler and Kimberly Riedel-Byler have been indicted by a federal grand jury on three counts, including violations of the federal Refuse Act. How about that shit?

On Monday, Byler pleaded not guilty at his arraignment and was released on $25,000 bail. Riedel-Byler is expected to be arrested soon.

Byler said his clit ship has plenty of room to store sewage in the Wild Alaskan’s 3,500-gallon holding tank and the gash raft passed previous marine sanitation and plumbing inspections.

Great. No floating strip club. Now what are the poor citizens of Alaska supposed to do with their raging boners and no boats n’ hoes? Go to a strip club on the land? Pffft..