Florida Dude High On Flakka Gets Ass Naked And Runs Through Streets Chasing Invisible Pants Thief

Last week, I posted about a drug called ‘Flakka’ that is flooding the streets of Florida. The drug is made from the same chemicals as bath salts and temporarily gives you super-human strength, which is evident in reports of four or five officers needed to restrain users. Do you even lift, bros?

Lieutenant Dan Zsido of the Pinella’s County Sheriff’s Office claims, “on a 1-10 scale, Flakka is a 12.”

The drug has already led to a man impaling himself on a fence, a man trying to kick down the door of a police station, a guy shouting butt naked from a rooftop, and now this…

Police in Fort Lauderdale indicate that a man was hospitalized after running down West Broward Boulevard ass naked weaving through police cruisers, according to the Sun Sentinel.

Matt Kenney, 35, who was eventually tackled by police, indicated that he was pursuing the thieves who stole his clothes. He also admitted that he was trying to get hit by a car, because “if I got hit by a car, they’d stop chasing me.” Impeccable logic, dude. Bravo.

He told police he’d “rather die than get caught.”

Kenney has been arrested multiple times for possession of a controlled substance, and he may want to go on a little hiatus after his latest performance…

Florida, just stay exactly the way you are.

[Via Sun Sentinel]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.