Not content to be merely another ‘Florida Man’ headline, Steven Nichols, 64, elevated this week’s level of ‘WTFlorida’ craziness. According to reports, he was pulled over in a parking lot in Fort Pierce after he almost crashed his car into a concrete pillar, while he was speeding in reverse, with an open beer in the cup holder, and a pack of beer on the front seat…oh, and his zipper down with his genitals hanging out.
This isn’t your run-of-the-mill ‘spent too much time in the Florida Sun’ level of crazy, this dude’s operating on a while new level, and I have to admit I’m rather impressed. If you’re going to let Johnny Law bring you down you might as well do it with your d*ck hanging out and a beer in your hand, right? Here’s how I imagine that man:
Deputies about 2:35 a.m. July 11 reported a man later identified as Steven Nichols, 64, pulled in the parking lot of an abandoned building at Naco Road and North U.S. 1 north of Fort Pierce.
Nichols, driving a Nissan utility vehicle, revved the engine and started speeding in reverse, which is the opposite of forward. He nearly crashed into a concrete pillar.
Deputies spoke to Nichols, who had a pack of beer in the front seat. Investigators saw an open Budweiser in the cup holder, but Nichols denied it was there.
He said he went to the gym, then a bar in Stuart and quaffed “at least” three drinks. He said he was trying to get home to Virginia, which is approximately 800 miles away. He said he “needed to be here” and wanted to “detox himself mentally” before going home.
Before Nichols participated in field sobriety exercises, deputies noticed his zipper was down and his genitals exposed.
As Nichols, of Jensen Beach, took field sobriety exercises, he said, “There is no doubt that I am impaired.”
COME ON DUDE! EVERYONE WHO’S ANYONE knows that if you get pulled over for DUI in the state of Florida you just refuse the sobriety tests and forfeit your license (and also rot in the 7th circle of hell for driving drunk)!!! You don’t end you night with telling an officer of the law “there is no doubt that I am impaired.”!!!!! THAT’S A CLOWN MOVE, BRO!