Attn: DENIS CIMAF, You Need to Let Me Drive One of Your Forestry Mulchers

by 6 years ago


Here I am, minding my own business on a Wednesday afternoon when this video of extremely badass forestry mulchers is brought to my attention.

I thought I was leading a happy life. Now I know I’ll never truly be happy until I can get behind the controls of one of these babies and watch the world burn.

Watch these suckers make a mighty tree completely disappear in a matter of seconds and try to contain your excitement. Spoiler alert: you won’t do well.

There’s just something about seeing the forest floor covered in pulp that makes a man feel alive. If this type of technology had been around during Ferngully, the movie would have had a much different ending.

So consider this a plea, DENIS CIMAF, Inc. Invite me out to headquarters and let me go to town on your most dangerous equipment. You’ll make me very happy and I can promise I’ll do my best not to puree any human beings.

I see you are located in Quebec. If I leave now, I can be there before sunset and the magic can begin.

Thank you in advance.

[H/T: @gourmetspud]