People Shared The Most Funny/Smart Ass Things They’ve Said To Cops That Got Them Out Of Tickets

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were being talked down to by an authority figure (cop, teacher, etc) and wanted to lash out but didn’t due to fear of repercussions? Well, chances are you’re not one of the people below who shared stories of times they’ve trolled cops or said borderline dickhead comments and managed to get away without a ticket. Call me old-fashioned, but I happen to think that being rude or offensive to police officers is wrong. Not only does it make you look like an asshole, but it’s just a foolish decision to laugh in the face of authority. With that said, some of these are downright hilarious (via AskReddit):

Got pulled over on my motorcycle:
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: cause I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt?
He got a chuckle and I only got a warning, next cop didn’t find it nearly as amusing

Cop: Were you eating an apple while driving?
Me: Can’t I eat while I drive?
Cop: No
Me: But I can smoke
Cop: Yes
Me: Then I was smoking the apple.

“Did you see the speed limit sign?”
“Yes’sir. I just didn’t see you sitting behind it.”
I’ll never forget how hard he scrunched his face up trying not to laugh.

Cop pulled me and my friend over when we were both 17. Pretty sure he just saw a couple of teens in a car late at night and fogured we were up to no good. That being said we had a lot of weed in the car (in a bag). Cop comes over and is like “soooo you have anything illegal in the car?”
“Just my good looks” i reply. Cop laughs and lets us leave. My heart just about gave out it was beating so fast

My husband was pulled over in high school one night on his way home from work.
“Son, you didn’t use your blinker.”
“Uhm…my blinker is still on. Is my light out?”
“Don’t be a smartass! Where are you coming from?”
looks down at his Sonic uniform “Work…”
“And where are you going this time of night?”
“Home. That driveway right there. That’s my dad like….right there.”
“I don’t fucking know by fucking memory, my girlfriend keeps shit back there, i keep shit back there. What specifically are you asking about?”
“The briefcase!”
“…..that’s a CD wallet. Look, i have to piss, i’m pulling into my driveway now. My license is right here, you can write me a damn ticket but i’m going to go take a leak.”
He got back out, no ticket, and the cop had left.

I tried to call the police to report a crime but it was not an emergency. A guy was walking around my neighborhood, obviously casing houses. I called the police department after hours and couldn’t get ahold of anyone. I passed a cop while driving and sped passed him so that he would pull me over. When he said “Do you know why I pulled you over?” I said “Yeah because I wanted you to so I could actually talk to an officer”. He went and found the guy, and arrested him because he had a warrant out on him.

towa666 8822 points 6 days ago
We were in a car park just off the motorway in a Toyota MR2. Police pulled in and got out their car. One of the officers put his hand on the bonnet (hood) of the MR2 and said “hood’s a bit hot…been dragging it have we?”. I replied “funny that mate, it’s rear engine”. The second officer found it hilarious, the first looked incredibly embarrassed.

I once pulled myself over after I blew through a red light, since there was a cop right there (I was a new driver, saw him, and freaked out). He asked me why he shouldn’t write me a ticket, and I told him “I really don’t want you to.”
Got off with a warning.

Pulled over for speeding and when the cop asked why I was pulled over I responded with “well if you don’t know I’m sure as hell not gonna tell you”
I do have to admit this was a guy I knew as my dad was a firefighter and they shared the same station.

“Can you say your alphabet to J for me?”
“Which one of you dudes is Jay?”

He told me how much over the limit I was going and I said well you looked bored sitting there so I figured I’d give you something to do. Laughed and let me off the whole thing with a warning

I work nights so the cops will occasionally cruise through our parking lot in the middle of nowhere and just check things out. I was outside on my break smoking and playing Jetpack Joyride when they lowered their window.
“What are you doing here at this time of night?”
“My fucking job. What are you doing here at this time of night? ”
“Our fucking jobs. Have a nice night”
“You too”
Montreal cops are nice, despite their silly pants.

He asked me if I had a dead body in my back seat, I said “Oh! Totally. You wanna meet him? He’s kinda shy”.
He laughed. Told his partner “he said totally.”
Took my license, sat in their car for a minute, then drove up next to me, handed me my cards from their window, and drove off.
I later realized that a coat and hat were on top of a mess in my backseat and actually could have looked like a dead body.

When I was 20 I worked at a video store, this one night we had to do inventory which we started at midnight and I helped out until 3am. But I was the opener so I left. I was on my way home when I was pulled over. My tail light was out, I didn’t know. The cop left me off with a warning but it took 15 minutes for him to run my stuff. Two miles down the same road but in a different town, I was pulled over by a cop from that town. My tail light was out, I “didn’t know”. The cop left me off with a warning. But took almost 20 minutes to do so. Five more miles down the road and yet another town over I was pulled over again. It is now 4 am. My tail light is out. I “didn’t know”. I’m left off with a warning. I make it home at 4:45 am. I have work at 9am. I got to sleep. I wake up, skipping a much needed shower and leave for work. I get pulled over about a mile away from my job. Officer: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: yep, my tail light is out. Officer: if you know why haven’t you fixed it? Me: Well officer, I left work 6 hours ago. I was pulled over three times in an hour and a half, and each time I was told that my tail light is out. I’m the 4 hours since I got home went to bed and woke up to go back to work I haven’t had time to fix it. Officer: three times? Me: Yup, so if you’re gonna give me the ticket give me the ticket otherwise I’m assuming that you and your fellow officers just want me to be late to things. I was let off with a warning. TL:DR: Got pulled over four times in 5 hours and let off with warnings

Yelling at a cop for calling me ‘jack sparrow’ instead of ‘captain jack sparrow’. Whilst heavily intoxicated and dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

Friend got pulled over doing about 20 over, we were college kids at the time. Officer walks over to the window does his normal “do you know why I pulled you over?” Routine and than turns to me when it’s all done and asks “so should I give your friend here a ticket?”, with a smile I said “yes sir, he most likely deserves it.”
Cop laughed, smiled and walked away.

In college once thanked a cop for “not being a dickhead about it, you know, like most officers are” after getting ticketed. He wrote it all down and the judge repeated that to me when I fought the ticket in court. She was clearly amused and I got out of the ticket.

Years ago, during a heavy drug fuelled bender at a London festival, I walked up to some policemen and said “Guess what I’m on!”; they smirked and told me to move on.

Driving through Kansas City I got pulled over. I was wearing a Twins cap. Cop said something about being ready to give me a warning, but then he saw my cap. I said “hey, it’s not like the Royals and Twins have been good at the same time”.
He said he’s actually a Cubs fan and I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “oh, I’m sorry”
He laughed and gave me a warning

I just picked up my paycheck back in high school, must have been 16/17 and a fairly new driver.
Officer pulled me over for not pulling completely into the road going from drive way to drive way (like I drove 10 feet on the wrong side, but there was no traffic.
Officer: “Can you afford a ticket as a new driver?” Dumbass me: “I did just pick up my paycheck”
It wasn’t till afterwards that I thought more along the lines of having the demerit or points on my license is more than likely what he meant. Let me go with a warning.

Got pulled up very for wearing headphones as a hands free device. Apparently doing that is illegal in PA, he said it was because then you can’t hear sirens so I replied “then why can deaf people get drivers licenses?”

“No, sir, I don’t know how fast I was going, I’m late for my best friend’s wedding.”
Turned out though, he was the older brother of a good friend from high school, so he threw his lights on and gave me an escort to the wedding. Got there on time thanks to speeding 😉

And then there’s this guy…

My uber driver was telling me a story about how he got pulled over for going 90 on a sharp turn, the radar was obviously malfunctioning because he would have either flipped his car or slid off the road if he was going that fast. The motorcycle cop was too stupid to figure this out and threatened to arrest him so he said “what are you gonna do? Put me on the back of your bike?” The cop got super pissed and actually arrested him and gave him the ticket and the cop lied about where he clocked the uber driver. Luckily the Uber driver had a dashcam and got the ticket and all other charges dropped but damn the balls and the stupidity of that cop make me feel sorry for whoever else has to deal with him.

Last, but not least…

My friend and I were sitting in his car at a coffee shop at 1am. A cop pulls up behind us and knocks on the window and shines his light on us. It went something like this.
Cop: What are you two doing.?
Friend: Well, we were deciding if we wanted to get late-night burritos or just head home
Cop: Yeah? You two smoking weed tonight?
Friend: No we don’t smoke weed
Cop: You two been drinking?
Friend: No, not tonight
Cop, looking around: Yeah… ok… how much weed have you smoked?
Me: Uh… none. We just said that, sir
Friend: Do you want to look in the car or…?
Cop: So you want me to believe you two are out here just hanging out, getting coffee at 1am?
Friend: Yeah, that’s all were doing man.
Me: Do you want us to step out of the car? We could do that if it would make you feel better.
Cop: I’m not buying it.
Friend, smirking: Alight, how do you want it sold to you then?
Cop: I don’t want to SOLD anything – I want the truth
Me: We gave it too you, sir. How would you like us to prove it too you?
Cop: You’re both smoking weed. I’m not a fool, boys.
Friend: Alright
Me: Sure
Cop: I’m not!
Friend: We’re not disagreeing with you.
Cop: Oh yeah? You think you can fool me?
Me: We’re both saying no, sir.
Cop: Look, you need to prove you’re not smoking weed, or I’m taking you both in and impounding your car.
Friend: That sounds fine, what do you have in mind?
Cop: …
Friend: …
Me: … Are we… Do you want us to walk a line or?…
Cop: You boys head right home! I don’t want you out and about anymore tonight.
Friend: Yeah… that’s not something you can tell us to do…
Cop: I’ve got my eye on you!
Friend: Thank you officer, you have a good night.
Cop, leaving: Go home!

Well, bros, that wraps up the coverage from my end but if you want to keep on reading these AskReddit stories you can CLICK HERE to see that thread in full!