Which ‘Game Of Thrones’ House Is Your College Campus Organization?

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Chaos isn’t a pit, it’s a ladder; a mastermind of plots and a man whose facial muscles never move Petyr Baelish says. If college has anything, it’s chaos. Many of the multitude of campus organizations could find their equivalent in Westeros, though for everyone’s sake I really and truly hope that the top fraternity on campus is not organizing red weddings for its rivals. Greeks do not need that kind of bad publicity right now with all the hazing stories in the news.

So, which campus organizations can find their parallel in the Song of Ice and Fire? As terrifying as it is… a lot of them.

 

Student Protest Groups are The Brotherhood Without Banners
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You can’t go anywhere or do anything without these assholes fucking things up for everyone involved. They’re always there at the most inconvenient times championing the causes you like the least. Unaffiliated with any larger organization, they band together in small cabals and seek to ruin all that is good about your campus while attempting to look really flashy while doing it. Usually, they just succeed at annoying everyone beyond all belief.

 

The Top House Is The Lannister Family
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Ancient lineage? Check. More money than God? Check. Tendency to make their enemies disappear? Well, the last fraternity to stand against them had a mysterious pledge hazing death and was kicked off campus for eternity. These assholes revel in being the top of the pile and rule everything within their domain with an iron fist. At some point they’ll have a shitty boy king who nearly brings the whole thing crashing down before his parents take him out of school for pointing a crossbow at one of the initiation strippers.

 

Performing Arts Groups Are The Night’s Watch
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Condemned to live far away from the rest of their peers for one reason or another (like playing the flute in high school), these misfits spend their time waiting for a war the world thinks will never come. Specifically, the resurgence of classical music and Brechtian stage performances, respectively. They live a life of routine, with little fanfare, except when the band actually plays a fanfare. Day in and day out, they practice and watch, hoping to have something to do for a bit of recognition. Then, when that day comes, they generally kill it, even if their glory only lasts until the real warriors show up to take the field. Their oaths of celibacy are routinely broken in some really strange and kinky ways, and their leadership alternates between drill sergeant intensity and a teenager wistfully emotional about the past they gave up to take the oath.

 

Campus Crusade Groups are Stannis Baratheon and His Army
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When it comes to their God, these assholes don’t take “no” for an answer. You could be a literal priest, but if you’re the wrong denomination you may as well be condemned to hellfire. As they parade around campus demanding that their peers submit to the Lord of Light they tend to make a lot of enemies, though somehow it works out okay for them because each group (which is inherently a sausage fest) will have one drop-dead gorgeous girl with the mental stability of drunk King Robert on a boar hunt.

 

The Crew Team Is House Greyjoy
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They do not sow, because I don’t think they spend any time on land. Rowing whenever the sun is up and they aren’t legally obligated to be in class, the crew team does the sports equivalent of what their presumably viking ancestors did a thousand years hence. Unlike some of the richer houses, the crew team prefers to take what they earn, which is usually the attention of any group of girls that don’t mind getting wet. There is one key difference here though: I’m pretty sure none of them fingerbanged their sister on horseback after 10 years of not seeing each other.

 

The Lacrosse Team Is House Martell
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These guys are warriors, but they’re not bruisers by any stretch of the imagination. With their $1000 dollar haircuts, propensity for using dangerous sticks instead of their bare hands or brawn in battle and fancy footwork, they make being a trust fund kid look cooler, somehow. Sure they’re cocky, and that will definitely be their undoing at the hands of a much bigger, much angrier goliath during their fourth year. They’ll inspire a loyal following that will still keep their memory alive long after they’ve retreated to the safety of the lacrosse field. No one fucking knows how those things work anyway.

 

The Fallen Legendary House Is House Stark
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Powerful in time immemorial, this house’s leadership lost its head, then its heart, then all of the women that used to hang out there until all that was left was the weird kid who sat in the corner, an awkward giant and the most dedicated of female honorary members. Things are not good for this house. Maybe they let too many people in on a big secret and it bit them in the ass? Maybe they took on an enemy they couldn’t handle? Maybe their giant fucking house dog needed to be better at mauling intruders on command and only defining intruders as “people actively robbing the house”? In any case, they’re no longer relevant in the campus world at large, but something this powerful cannot stay gone forever. They’ll come back bigger and better than ever if they could just get their shit together and end up on the same page.