Bro’s Girlfriend Went to Study Abroad Without Him — Take a Wild Guess How That Ended


Submit your Ask a Babe questions below (and Ask a Bro will be back tomorrow).

Q: I am a sophomore in college and had just recently started dating one of my closest friends (We both went to the same high school). This semester she went abroad, and after a few months, she called me telling me she does not feel the same way anymore and does not want me to wait for her because she can’t guarantee anything. Can you give me advice as to how to get her back? All of her friends and my friends have repeatedly encouraged us to date and we never really got a chance to allow for our feelings to develop before she left the country.

A: Dude, I hate to break it to you in such a heavy manner, but there’s simply nothing you can do to fix your relationship so long as she’s in a different continent.

She’s Out of sight, out of mind; and you’re Shit Out of Luck.

She’s in the Eurozone; she’s got the Euro fever!

Not to be confused with that Euro rash she picked up after that hazy night with the Italian guy…

Anyways. Sorry to rub salt in the wounds, but in these situations I believe it’s best to be over-prepared and expect the worst rather than realizing you’ve been naive as a kid on Santa’s lap for the past semester of your life.

It’s going to take your lady friend being back on her native grounds to revisit what she knows to be true and good. As long as she’s spending her nights raving through the streets of Barcelona and Paris, she’s not really going to give a shit about what the fuck is going on in her hometown. Unless you started dating another girl and posting pictures of you making out, which I don’t recommend..

Be patient, but don’t expect too much. God speed, American.

Q: I want to save space/embrace minimalism so I’m thinking of downsizing to a twin size mattress. Considering all things including my own comfort and bringing back the slams, is this a decent idea, or should I just stick with the full/queen?

A: Ways not to get laid: owning a twin size bed.

Seriously though, can you think of anything less sexy? The space constraints alone are enough to make you forfeit sex and set up a trundle on the floor for your guest.

I fully support your decorative attention in seeking out this new minimalist aesthetic, but I’ll also tell you there’s many other ways to achieve that without sacrificing comfort, a good nights sleep, or your sex life. Amirite? Why don’t you start by cleaning off that dresser of yours, or finally getting rid of your ceiling-high CD tower.

I know it’s hard to say goodbye. But better Green Day than your sex life. If ever you need a reminder of why this is a poor choice, all you have to do is visit any college dorm.

Twin beds are degrading. If anything I’d say go big. Fuckin’ get that king bed man; you only live once. And you’ll only be sexually enticing for so long.

Save the twin for the retirement home.

Q: I’ve noticed you’re not too fond of high-school relationship questions, but here’s one anyway. I kind of have this thing with this girl who has supposedly liked me for a super long time. So it was going pretty well until we went on our first actual date. That went well in my opinion and from what I’ve heard from her friends and I asked her out a couple of times but she never got back to me on time and didn’t suggest anything else. And suddenly I have to maintain all our text-conversations because she puts no effort into them anymore. Most of the stuff I hear from her and her friends is about prom so I’m starting to feel like she’s just been leading me on to get a good prom date.

Or maybe now that I am actually trying and making it obvious that I like her, she’s lost interest. I kind of feel like a little bitch… WHAT SHOULD I DO BABE?

Peace ‘n hugs

A: Prom dates? And you wonder why I don’t like squandering my brain cells on high school topics.
Alas, here I am. And here’s my analysis:

Prior to spending any substantial amount of time with you, this girl thought you were hot shit. But after getting to know you just a little bit, she realized you’re actually pretty fucking annoying. And when you continued to text her relentlessly, that was officially confirmed for her.

You kinda fucked this one up, man.

At this point she’s determining if your decent looks and social standing outweigh the cons of being irritated for an entire school dance. It may take her a minute to get all the data into that chart. But frankly I’d look into a serious plan b, and maybe even abort plan a without hesitation. If she was trying to lock it down she’d be giving back a little; responding to texts, sending you the signals…but since she’s doing the opposite of that, I’m a tad concerned on your behalf.

Furthermore, I always recommend taking the BFF insight with a grain of salt. A lot of girls have selective hearing or make up their own plans regarding their friends relationships, which ultimately benefits no one but it entertaining for them. So read between the lines. Follow instinct before hearsay.

In the end it really doesn’t matter, because it definitely doesn’t seem like she’d be DTF at the end of the night.
And you’re a teenager.

Peace ‘n hugs

Q: Hello Babe,

Any time I got close to a girl, in college and in the real world, I noticed that a large percentage of them had a ton of emotional baggage.

Are there any of you out there that do not come with this (or at least a smaller amount of baggage), or is it something I need to man up about and deal with?

A: Baggage, shmaggage, mamma’s boy. In this day and age everybody’s all tindered out, lost their virginity at 13 and has boned most of their best friends exes.

Simply put, everyone has baggage. And beyond that, issues.

Fuckin’ problems, as they say in the rap community.

Sure, some project or display theirs more than others; but under that seemingly healed scar tissue is the tender wound of a high school love lost; The one who got away; or that time you tried to have a threesome, but it just didn’t work out.

Don’t blame yourself. But don’t blame the chick either.

If you want to make headway in a relationship you have to make sure that both parties involved are looking out for and taking care of their individual well-being before that of the romance. There will always be baggage to shlep, but as a contributor to any relationship you should be able to reasonably expect that the other person is working on unpacking some of those suitcases to make room for you.

So yes– I do suppose you should “man up and deal with it” for the time being. But if it gets to a point of unmanageable, you have reasonable cause to call it out and ultimately bail out.

Q: To the hot girl it doesn’t concern but acts like it does,

My gf and I broke up a couple weeks ago and was wicked messy. Rumors flying every way about her hooking up with other dudes. I flipped a shit and said a lot of awful shit to her wishing her the worst essentially and that she fucks one of them and gets pregnant.

I saw her today cause she wanted to talk and let me know she cannot even talk to me but wants to be civil. She said that she thought we would get back together before I said the messed up things but now says there is no future. (she even went as far to tell her family).

Do I even bother to try and salvage anything in the future or do I need a clean break for it to never be encountered again?

-Biggest Dbag this side of the Mason Dixon

A: To the average-looking guy seeking advice from an anonymous online source: Don’t be a douche.

Though your sign-off certainly is appropriate. The vibes I’m picking up here are mostly that you’re a douchebag, as previously stated by yourself, with a pretty unsexy temper.

That’s a rough start. I’m fairly confused as to why you think you have a shot with this girl who you just cast irreparable emotional damage upon.

Rumors are rumors and should always be confronted as such.

Instead, you jumped to conclusions without verifying anything, verbally accosted her with some questionable insults and in turn, caused yourself to look like a real jackass.

Shame on you, motherfucker. I don’t hope this lady gets pregnant, but I do hope she fucks your hotter older brother.


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