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Q: What do women think of tattoos, and what is your/the general opinion on blowjobs?
A: If I were to answer both with one equally vague response I’d say that some like ‘em, some don’t. Broken down into separate issues, I’d say this: Almost all girls dig tasteful ink; ink that can be hidden by clothing when visiting the parents. Granted, I recently moved to Brooklyn so my perspective may be a bit skewed, but I would’ve said the same when I still lived on the isle of Manhattan.
From a chicks perspective, it’s “edgy”, “badass” and “different” (read: sexy). It goes without saying that you shouldn’t do it for the sake of scoring pussy, but don’t hold back if you’re considering, and if you are, make sure it’s done with thought, purpose and meaning. Like the good doctor said, “If something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.” But just for reminders sake, unlike a suntan, or your hairline, these things do NOT fade. Barbed wire or your frat letters probably aren’t the best long term choices. Those aside, I personally am a big fan…and have a little tasteful something myself (an array of butterflies on my lower back, of course).
As for blowjobs… since this is a controversial topic, I won’t use the term “most,” but I will say that MANY girls do not like giving them. Can you blame them? Gag reflexes and lockjaw are a pretty challenging thing to make look sexy, but when you’re really attracted to someone and/or love them so much that you genuinely just want to give them pleasure, it’s great. I know girls who are vehemently opposed to the act, and others who consider it the ultimate source of control. Either way, they’re entitled to their own opinion. What you like in the sack is 100% your business, and not to be judged by unrelated parties.
The big takeaway here is that dudes should be grateful for girls wanting to suck their dicks, and never push a girls head down or insist she does the deed. Bro or not, that’s some un-gentlemanly shit and will get you nowhere with a halfway respectable woman.
Q: I’m in college and have an uncircumcised penis. I am undecided on whether or not I should go forward with a circumcision procedure. I have done a little Google searching and I have found that circumcision is actually only mainly prevalent in American and Jewish communities. Americans/Jews find it “unsanitary”, while others around the world (Europe,Australia,etc.) find the whole circumcision idea “strange”(according to online sources). I have also found that some men who decided to go through a circumcision procedure complained that they lost “sensitivity” as a result of cutting the foreskin, which contains many nerve endings (again, according to online sources).
Now, I plan to date/sleep with American women mostly, as I do plan to live in America for the rest of my life. And I have not been directly told by any of the women I slept with that the fact that my penis is uncircumcised had turned them off, but there could have been a case or four of blue balls in which my penis was to blame. Maybe. So…yay or nay to the procedure? Is having a circumcised penis really that big of a deal? Will I get cock-blocked by my own uncircumcised penis if, say, a future babe finds it repulsive?
A: I don’t even have a dick, and the thought of circumcision in general makes me queasy. The idea of a post-pubescent circumcision makes me want to swaddle myself in 30 blankets in a cold dark room and cry for two days. In my opinion if your parents opted at the time of your youth not to clip the foreskin, they might be assholes, but maybe its just meant to be. Frankly I didn’t even know it was an acceptable procedure to perform past infancy. Are you not expecting this experience to scar you (both physically and metaphorically) for the rest of your life? Have you done a cost/benefit analysis or chart of pros vs. cons? Because I think you’d really benefit from doing so.
I can’t believe I’m actually being consulted on an issue as serious as dick-chopping surgery, but since you asked my answer is NAY. Nay to late-life penis surgery!! Solely for your sake. Work with what you’ve got, discontinue all Google searches immediately, and just thank God that you don’t have a MICRODICK. (Autocorrect changed that word to all caps, which seems appropriate. So I’m leaving it.)
And for fuck’s sake, please stop Googling your greatest insecurities in the middle of the night. Have you ever used WebMD? Sometimes I do, but you never should. Every normal condition you have will suddenly turn into a life-threatening illness. You won’t sleep for days. If I were China, I’d ban WebMD before I banned porn. It’s really unhealthy, and will only lead you to the conclusion that you have less than a week left to live.
I think its best to hold onto some mommy issues, and just not get down on yourself. Sure trimmed is the norm, but untrimmed isn’t unheard of. It’s not ideal of course, because to most women it’s unfamiliar territory– but it’s a hurdle we’re willing to overcome cicumcis— I mean, circumstantially.
Q: There’s this guy who I started hooking up with. I actually know him well enough to know that I don’t really wanna be friends with him and definitely not date him… basically, I don’t like his personality or have feelings for him at all, which is mutual. We continued to hook up for five months because the sex was good, and that’s really all that matters with a sexy dude.
Now here are the complications: when we fucked he told me not to tell one mutual friend of ours about it because she was a gossip, and apparently made fun of him for having sex with me on my period during our first hookup. Is it possible that he is actually a guy who is private about sex? I think it has more to do with the fact that the best friend of the “gossip” is who he really has feelings for, and she does not reciprocate them, but he still doesn’t want her to know he’s banging someone else.
A: It sounds like you’re heading in the right direction on the trail of something nasty. If you’ve been fucking this guy for five months and he’s still trying to keep it a “secret”…you’re getting played. Of course, certain dudes are private about sex initially, but if they’re into you and keep coming back for more, they should have to restrain themselves from screaming their bragging rights from the top of a fucking roof. They should be PROUD about getting into your pants on more than one occasion, and not trying to hide it (assuming you give them permission).
For me, the biggest indication of weirdness here is that the fuckbuddy in question specifies one person in particular to keep it from. In essence, it means he may have told his bros that you guys are fucking occasionally, but is still holding out for the “gossip girl” to release him from the friendzone and allow him into her pants. I’ll always show support for some light-hearted, no-strings-attached (**but safe**) sexual relations, but if at any point you start to feel manipulated/used/confused/abused, cut the ties and move on.
A bro is a bro, and this guy doesn’t sound that special. It shouldn’t be too hard for you to find another one willing to engage in some regular casual sex with a babe such as yourself.
Q: I have a once in a lifetime opportunity. A hot girl just moved two houses down the street from me. Seriously, getting with my neighbor has been my dream ever since American Pie. The problem is that she never comes outside. Literally, she moved in about a month ago and I’ve seen her walk up her driveway once, my friend saw her playing ping pong in her backyard (our houses are right in front of a creek you can walk through) and I have seen her dad once. So dear babe, how do I find a way to meet this chick?
A: Sounds, quite literally, like the American dream. Who needs hot dogs and the right to vote when you can watch your babe neighbor washing the family minivan? Pales in comparison, really. Your biggest hurdle is going to be getting this Boo Radley character out of the house without setting off the fire alarm or commissioning an ice cream truck. It’s gonna require some more discrete effort.
Unfortunately I think you’ve surpassed the baking “welcome to the neighborhood” cookies…so lets brainstorm. First off, you could have a party at your house and casually invite her. It’ll seem off the cuff and will remove any pressure of random one-on-one hangout time with someone you don’t know.
Another option would be to put your parents to good use and use them as middlemen. They could extend a family dinner invitation to the whole fam, or enlist that annoying but effective parent tactic of being able to strike up a conversation with any person of any age. They’ll be more than happy to revisit the glory days and scheme on your behalf-all the while being “in the know”.
Believe me, they eat that shit up.
If all else fails, you need to be a little brazen and find the chance to establish some good old-fashioned eye contact — without letting on that you’ve been planning on it…or staring into her bedroom window…or filming her. Just a friendly neighborly smile; and see if she reciprocates. Tomorrow, you could even add in a “Hi”.
Baby steps. God speed.
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