Glitter Beards Are The Newest And Easiest Way To Spot The Biggest Asshole In The Room

by 3 years ago

The real assault on the holidays isn’t coffee cups or Christmas music in November or the fact your mom is fucking a mall santa. It’s Glitter Beards. Glitter Beards and the cockfaces who sport such an affront to anything sane and normal.

Naturally, the trend started on social media, the place where all of the worst ideas in the world come to fruition. Now men across the globe are dipping their chins in the reflective metal snow after drenching them in beard oils, hair sprays or the tears of their fathers who hoped for a son without a face full of unicorn jizz.

And this isn’t a case of glitter beards being something created by and for gay guys because I passed the link onto a couple gay friends and the responses were overwhelming and all about the same. Paraphrasing but most were a variation on the “oh for fuck’s sake” reaction.

It should come as zero shock that these men all look like gargantuan doucheknuckles even without a beard full of glitter vomit.

To answer everyone's questions. I used old school Aquanet hairspray and poured the glitter on. Simple as that, after the photos I dusted the glitter out of my beard. Every bit came out, I barely needed to wash it after. You just have to make sure you use a good beard oil before hand. My bathroom floor however, will be fancy & sparkly for a while. #glitterbeard #beard #beardeddad #instagood #instabeard #glitter #beardedmen #pogonophile #beardsex #beardstagram #beardsofinstagram #November #noshavenovember #noshaveever #novembeard #beardlife #bearded #mrbeardedman #menwithtattoos #tattooeddad #sparkle #sparkles #Nashville #tennessee #cosmicbeard #glitterbeards #glitterbeards2015 #glitterbeardsunite #glitterbeardsarealrightbyme #glitterbeardsaresoinrightnow @thegaybeards

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#glitter #glitterbeard #Christmas #redandgreen

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[via Esquire]


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