There’s Gold In Them There Logs: Experts Say Million Of Dollars In Gold Could Be Found In Human Feces
Experts found more than $13 million in gold and other precious metals sitting idly in the poop from only ONE million Americans. Multiply that by the estimate US population of around 320 million and we’re talking some stinky cheddar! Globally that figure could rise to hundreds of millions, but now the question is how do we extract the gold from the feces?
‘Hey Cass, how’d you make your fortune?‘ ….
‘Oh, you know, the old fashioned way. Mining for precious metals and minerals. Sifting through our nation’s dookie logs to extract minuscule amounts of gold until my coffers were full. Bolstering my riches log by brown log, turning shit into the hottest commodity of the 21st century’.
Twenty years from now that could be my story if I heed the words of experts claiming there’s a fortune to be made in shit. At the 249th National Meeting & Exposition of the American Chemical Society (ACS) in Denver, findings were presented by a panel of field scientists and experts who tested the feces of just one million Americans, and found trace amounts of gold, silver, and platinum totaling an estimated value of $13 million. They believe that mining through human excrement could reduce our global dependency on mining for precious metals and minerals, and by pioneering the field Poopy Mining they could drastically reduce our strain on the planet.
Washington (AFP) – Human feces contains gold and other precious metals that could be worth hundreds of millions of dollars, experts say.
Now the trick is how to retrieve them — a potential windfall that could also help save the planet.
“The gold we found was at the level of a minimal mineral deposit,” said Kathleen Smith, of the US Geological Survey, after her team discovered metals such as platinum, silver and gold in treated waste.
A recent study by another group of experts in the field found that waste from one million Americans could contain as much as $13 million worth of metals.
Finding a way to extract the metals could help the environment by cutting down on the need for mining and reducing unwanted release of metals into the environment.
Bros, I always knew my shit was special, but until now I hadn’t considered that it was full of gold and platinum. In addition to becoming a millionaire from poopy mineral extraction I think I might also get to working on my rap career, penning songs about how my shit is full of Gold. So suck on that Trinidad James.
Smith and her team are on a mission to find out exactly what is in our waste.
“We have a two-pronged approach,” said Smith. “In one part of the study, we are looking at removing some regulated metals from the biosolids that limit their use for land application.
“In the other part of the project, we’re interested in collecting valuable metals that could be sold, including some of the more technologically important metals, such as vanadium and copper that are in cell phones, computers and alloys.”
What, so if I want to make a fortune of gold shit extraction I’m not in a race against these scientists? Can’t this be like the Great Gold Rush of 1849 where every man just stakes a claim of his own, and I just find the biggest deposits of unclaimed shit to mine as my own?
The question is, bros, who among you is willing to invest with me on my new venture? Are you willing to take the poopy plunge knowing there will be riches at the end of the stinky log ride? If you are, you can show your allegiance by dropping a comment below, pledging your willing to shit mine with me!
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