Grandma Conquers Crippling Fear Of Outdoors…Only To Immediately Fall Down A Manhole

Before I begin, I think it’s important to define some key terms:

Agoraphobia (noun): Extreme or irrational fear of crowded spaces or enclosed public places.

Schadenfreude (noun): Pleasure derived from someone by another person’s misfortune.

Janet Faal, 57, conquered her fear of open spaces by going outside for only the third time in 10 years. But after what transpired, I’m willing to wager she won’t be getting much sun this summer.

Faal told Daily Mail,

“I was with a friend helping her reverse out of a car park, and there was this wooden pallet in the way. I moved the pallet out of the way with my foot and I was going to turn around to my friend say ‘is that far enough?’”

Before she could mutter a word, she was sent plunging down face-first into a manhole that the pallet was covering, banging her eyes and nose and left in a ‘split’ position in the hole.

The grandmother of four suffered two black eyes, pronounced bruising, and possibly a fractured leg.

She said it may take years for her ever to venture outside again, if ever.

‘It’s hard for me to go anywhere, but I was getting better. Now I’m not so sure.”

I hate myself for taking so much joy in this. I should jump head first into a manhole for laughing. But the silver lining is that Janet can say “TOLD YA SO” to her friends and family who thought she was a fucking lunatic all these years. Guaranteed at some point in her life her sister was like “Janet, it’s not like you’re going to fall into a manhole or something!” and everyone in room shared a laugh like “HAHA what kind of lackadaisical moron would fall into a manhole!!!”

Janet. Janet would fall into a manhole.

So if you’re going to keep laughing, please take it outside where she’ll never be able to hear you. Like ever again.

[H/T Daily Mail]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.