I hope you are ready to do some cringing, because this story shared on Reddit by a guy who broke his nose while going down on his girlfriend will DEFINITELY make you do it.
He begins with a little bit of background (he’s very thorough)…
Our story begins in my second year of college, almost a decade ago, in a small mountain town. At the time I had been dating a lovely young woman, we’ll call her: Blondezilla, for several months. Blondezilla was obviously a natural redhead, very beautiful, intelligent and sassy as hell.
Being as this was college, and I had big plans to travel the world after, I had refused to call what we were doing “dating” or to call her my “girlfriend”. To me at the time we were friends with benefits with an expiration date. I was very clear on this, and she agreed to FWB relationship, I suspect knowing that we were in fact dating, and she used to show an alarming amount of joy by teasing me with words like “boyfriend” and “Love” and “ow ow ow ow you’re kneeling on my hair”. Upon reflecting back, she was correct, and we were dating.
Now this wasn’t exactly your run-of-the mill relationship, however, as you shall read…
Now Blondezilla and I had been “dating” for several months at this point and had a pretty good rhythm going. We’d go on typical dates: Dinner, Movies, Parties, sex-a-thons, most of which would end up in my bed, and would lead to the sex.
I consider the sex we had to be rather unique, as the first time it happened, it ended up with her, seconds before climaxing, curling up in the fetal position and crying, and then me feeling like a huge jerk and trying to comfort her. It turns out she had never climaxed before and the sensation leading up to it lead to a sort of panic attack.
This condition which I’ll call “Onewaysexitis” made our encounters very favorable to one side… my side. We would do our thing, I’d get her as close to getting off as I could without ending in tears, and she would then get me off. To this day I have never had such an orgasm debt with a partner.
Now he sets things up for the big finish…
Fast forward a few months after the first Sex-Cry incident, I was working on getting my second degree black belt in karate. To preface this, there are no weight divisions in the style I practice and I was at the time about 5’11” and 155lbs… to use the term scrawny, would be giving me a lot of credit.
During the grading for the aforementioned belt, I thought I’d try a new technique, and stop a mans fist with my nose. The technique failed spectacularly as a man, nearly twice my size, tried to touch the back of my head…through my nose. Immediately, I ran to the washroom to try and stop the bleeding, as you are given three minutes to do so without being forced to stop the grading.
Without looking in a mirror, I quickly shoved two tampons up my nose to “stop” the bleeding, and proudly marched back to the ring, strings dangling down my face. It was at this time that the judge told me that since I had clearly not looked in the mirror, that I should probably go do that: Flat, Broken nose. after some time in hospital and a long drive back to the quiet mountain town, I arrived at my house with a second degree black belt, a reset broken nose and a desire to have the sex.
Naturally, after all of that he still wanted to have sex, because, well, he’s horny young guy…
I called Blondezilla, and she came over right away. We started doing our thing, and this is where I had the brilliant idea of going down on her. She always seemed to like it, despite it ending in tears more often than not, and I always enjoyed doing it. She seemed to be enjoying it, perhaps even more than usual, and in her pleasure bucked her hips up. Her lady parts impacted my nose with what felt like the force of a freight train. The pain was more than I had ever felt in my life. There was also a cracking noise. Again. I reeled back in agony, sank to the floor, eyes watering, nose bleeding, erection fading.
“Her lady parts impacted my nose with what felt like the force of a freight train.”
Let that phrase sink in there for a minute.
And now for the climax, so to speak, of this tale of woe…
So there I was, crying in the fetal position on the ground during the sex, blood pouring out of my nose. Blondezilla, initially shocked and panicked because she thought it was “that time of month”, quickly realized what had happened, and burst out in what I hope was “sympathy” laughter. And that was the story of the first time I cried during sex.
Fast Forward to two days before the day after tomorrow. We are best friends, she has found someone who can get her off without ending in tears, my nose is still crooked and we laugh a lot about our numerous sex bloopers, especially this one.
TL;DR: My girlfriend broke my nose with her lady parts.
Don’t you just love how the circle of life works sometimes?