Meet Dmitry Nikolaev, a 30-year-old TV actor in Russia, and also a guy who’s attempt to cheat on his wife went bad. Like, “the hot Russian chick he was trying to hook up with drugged him and left him without testicles” kind of bad.
Oh. Dear. God.
According to Daily Mail:
Dmitry Nikolaev, 30, had a drink with a ‘young blonde woman’ who approached him at a bar after he finished a performance at a small Moscow theatre.
Flirting with him, she invited him to a sauna, and though he was married, he agreed to go with her.
‘They kissed and had some more beer and after that the actor remembers nothing,’ said a police source.
He woke up next day at a bus stop, feeling acute pain, and with blood on his trousers.
Rushed to hospital, he was told that his testicles had been removed and that ‘it was done like proper surgery by someone with a medical education’.
If I so much as lightly graze my nuts with my hand I hit the floor in agony and pray for instant death. What does having your balls ripped out of your fucking body feel like? Sure, No Nuts Nikolaev wasn’t conscious when it happened, but the pain of waking up testicle-less and covered in crotch blood can’t be pleasant. The worst part…he didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.
But at least it was a “proper surgery” and removal, right?
O.K., I’ll see myself out.