“How does he eat so much?”
“He must have a hollow leg.”
That’s what my family used to say about me in high school, because this motherfucker had an insatiable appetite and I wasn’t even close to morbidly obese. Truth is I just played a lot of sports and worked out. However, the “hollow leg” theory quickly left the building when I came back home during winter break my freshman year looking a little out-of-shape. My mother told me I was getting a “secretary spread,” which is apparently something people said about women with fat asses back in the 70s or some shit. I don’t know.
Where I was going with this? Oh yeah… Although I don’t have a hollow leg, it turns out that hamsters are more than just animals with incredibly elastic cheeks. According to this x-ray video of a hamster eating, they can stuff un-chewed food into their whole, hollow body, all the way down to their hips. That’s now the superpower I want to have the most. Fuck flying or invisibility, I want to stuff my body full of food.