Headlines from an Aspiring Internet Writing Sensation

My goal is simple: become the best writer in the history of the Internet. So I have done what any person should do before jumping into a career: I studied the best in the field. And what I’ve found is that the key to a great Internet story is the headline. Here are a few that I’m hoping will endear me to the folks at HuffPost, Buzzfeed and beyond.

  • The Pope Just Got Absolutely Annihilated by a Rain Cloud
  • 99 Numbers You Will Say When Counting to 99
  • HATEFUL: Comedian Says B**ch 9 times On Stage (Also Inside: His Home Address)
  • What Wearing Socks in Bed Says About Your Likelihood to Murder
  • A Woman with No Money Tried to Board a Flight to Chicago. Her Reason Will Make You Hug the Closest Pilot You Can Find
  • SHOCK: Lena Dunham’s Untouched Birth Photos
  • Which Member of Your Family Are You? Take Our Quiz
  • A Man with No Vocal Cords Auditioned for American Idol. What Happened Next Will Leave You in Tears
  • LeBron James: Greatest Ever or Greatestest Everer?
  • Every Time the Olsen Twins Say ‘You Got It Dude’ [Slideshow]
  • DEVASTATING: Rachel Maddow Lays the Smack Down on Senator’s Disdain for President’s Day Sales
  • Old White Couples Have Only White Children. RACIST MUCH?
  • Dustin Diamond Doesn’t Look Like This Anymore [Pics]
  • Will Football Exist in 40 Years?  The Answer May or May Not Surprise You. It Probably Will…Unless it Doesn’t
  • Ever Wondered What Happened to Mark from Step by Step?

Follow Mike on Twitter now so you can say you followed him before these headlines sent his writing career into the stratosphere.

[Headline image via ShutterStock]