I’m a firm believer that some jobs should just be left to experts. Bikini waxing for example. If you’re going to take a razor to the area, go for it, but when hot wax gets involved it’s time to consult professionals.
This young lady tried to save time and money and ended up doing some painful damage down below.
Shark week went on forever this month, so by the time the waters cleared, I thought I would remove all traces of pubic hair for my boyfriends pleasure. I bought wax strips from the supermarket, and before work in the morning I tried them out.
Things were going well, except it was taking a lot longer than I thought it would. Realising I was going to be late for work, I pulled up my pants, and left my hair half removed, 40 Year Old Virgin style.
Right here. Right here is where the reigns should be handed over to an expert. But nope, she goes in for round 2.
With plans to see my boyfriend in the evening, after work I attempted Round 2. Things were going even worse now, as I got further down. Hair wasn’t coming out as easy, wax was sticking me together, I was losing strength to pull quickly. Again, I was running out of time, but I looked ridiculous. I had to keep going.
Fuck it, I thought. I’ll use hair removal cream on the rest.
I mean has anyone ever said “I used the hair remover and it worked perfectly” in the history of the world? I’ll say no, no one has ever uttered that phrase.
Instant stinging where it overlapped with the already waxed sections. Burning, even.
I quickly jumped in the shower and washed it off, then put on my clothes, just minutes to spare before my boyfriend pulled up. We had a lovely night out, and I didn’t feel any pain, so I completely forgot all about it.
Fast-forward to later on that night when we are in bed, taking our clothes off. My underwear is stuck to me.
Anything, ANYTHING stuck to an open wound is bad news. This won’t end well. (Obviously. I mean why else would we be discussing it?)
Absolutely horrified, but not wanting to make a big deal of it, I waited until my boyfriend had turned over in the bed, then quickly used my phone to investigate. I peel my underwear off my skin, and see that there is a patch about an inch across that is just raw skin. A chemical burn, maybe? It’s been seeping for the last few hours and has been drying on to my underwear.
So yeah, in an attempt to look perfect for my boyfriend, I now have a groin that looks like Freddy Krueger. No one is getting laid this week.