These Horror Stories From Retail Jobs Will Make You Appreciate Being Unemployed

by 4 years ago


Ahhh, you smell that? That’s the smell of pure, unadulterated loathing that retail employees secrete whenever a customer struts in and makes a stupid request that any sane person would realize is fucking stupid. If you were to gather a bunch of retail workers into one room and let them bitch about customers I can almost guarantee you that they’ll be there until the end of time and that their stories will make you question whether we’ve actually improved (mentally speaking) from the monkeys we evolved from.

Unfortunately, grabbing a bunch of retail people into one room is tough. Luckily, we have the Tumblr account PleaseFireMe, where people recount their worst experiences while on the job.

These are their stories.

Please fire me. Today, a man walked into my local McDonalds and asked for a vegan sausage McMuffin.

Please fire me. Today a lady came to the counter and wanted to buy a Big Mac. When I told her we didn’t have those, she asked for a Whopper instead. Again, I told her we didn’t have those either and she got mad at me and walked away. I work at KFC.

Please fire me. I work at Guitar Center and people ask me if we sell guitars.

Please fire me. I work in a thrift store and about once a week we have to clean poop off of something that is def not a toilet.

Please fire me. I work at Victoria’s Secret. Men keep coming in and sniffing the panties. Please make it stop.

Please fire me. I work in an office supply store and a customer wanted to know if we carried clear white-out because she wanted to white-out something on yellow paper.

Please fire me. I work in a fast food restaurant, and today, while working the drive-thru, I had a woman pull up and ask me “Do you sell fish?” I answered no. The question is weird enough, but her response to this was “Good.” Then she drove off without ordering. I work at KFC.

Please fire me. Last Friday night a middle school couple fucked in the fitting room. I work in a pre teen clothing store in the mall. Romantic.

Now is about that time where you look upwards at nothing, close your eyes and think to yourself “Thank fuck I’m unemployed.”

[Via Please Fire Me, header image via Shutterstock]