Today In ‘This Is So Stupid’ News, The ‘Hot New Trend’ Is Beard Jewelry

Remember back in 2014 when the next big trend in beards was supposed “flower beard.”


Well, fucking hipsters just can’t help themselves because now there’s jewelry for your beard. Facial hair accessories are the “hot new trend” according to the Daily Mail.

But why? Why is this even a thing?

The beard jewelry has small clips that allow it to stick into flowing facial hair.

Ummm. So they’re like a barrette for your beard? Or should I say that they are a “beardette.”

The beard jewelry is the creation of Italian designer Krato Milano, so much for the Italians having their finger on the pulse of style and sophistication.

A Kickstarter was created to crowdfund this hairy project.

The description is as follows:

Designed for an individual who wants to not only to stand out of the crowd, but also to be ahead of the crowd. If this is you, Krato will perfectly resonate with your inner desire for uniqueness!

Krato’s first collection presents a new product into the men’s jewelry line – jewel for the beard. This collection is dedicated to strong characters who express their individuality in eccentric, yet sophisticated ways. Beard is a visual display of dignity, style, and uniqueness which makes for a perfect canvas of self-expression.

There’s a tiny skull or anchors that you could pin to your face. This will be a good look when you get socked in the face and have an anchor impression on your chin.

There’s even facial hair accessory that has a chain that makes it look like you have a string of gold spit on your beard.

Dear everyone, beards are awesome. Beards are so extremely awesome that adding a flower or a gold skull will not make them anymore awesomer. As far as beards go, they are already filled to the brim with awesomeness and there is no room for any more awesomeness.