Idiot Leaves Phone On Bed While Having Sex With Girlfriend, Accidentally Butt Dials His BOSS And Yes It Gets Worse

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There’s a million ways to play off accidentally butt dialing your boss during a rousing trip down hanky panky lane, but you need to know exactly what your boss heard in order to pull it off. Did she legit hear you having sex, or was the call just a garbled mish-mash of ruffling sheets and clashing body parts? If it’s the former, you’re pretty much fucked, but if it was just static nonsense then you can probably get away with saying you accidentally called her while driving with the windows down in your car. Unfortunately for Redditor SuppressiveFire, he didn’t know what strategy to take because he not only butt dialed his boss, but left her a voicemail to listen to in the morning:

So, earlier this afternoon I had plugged my phone in and left it on my bed because it was dying and I didn’t want to forget to charge it for work tomorrow. My phone is black and so are my sheets.

Fast forward to about an hour ago. Me and the girlfriend decided to have some sex for dessert. Things got a little…wild…and we moved around a lot and changed positions quite a bit. Once we were finished (not even 15 mins ago), she went to clean up and I rolled over and grabbed my phone. That’s when I saw it.

I had accidently leaned or pressed on my phone while me and the girlfriend were having sex and it called the last number I had called. My boss. I had called in sick on Friday and that was my last number dialed. It says the call lasted 2 minutes and 8 seconds. Nobody is in the office on weekends and I think it left a voicemail for my boss. A voicemail of me and my girlfriend (who is not very quiet) having sex. Oh god, what if there was the spanking noises included? I’m so screwed.

I don’t know what to do…I don’t know how to handle this. My boss is a complete prude and I know I’m going to be reamed for this. Any suggestions?

tl;dr: Had sex with the girlfriend while my phone was on my bed, accidently dialed my boss and left her a voicemail of grunting, moaning, and/or spanking.

Realizing he was 10 seconds away from being fired come Monday morning, SuppressiveFire went in early to see if he could wipe his boss’ messages:

Morning edit: I went in early and tried to delete the voicemail. I couldn’t figure out her password. She called me into her office about 20 minutes ago and asked me about a strange voicemail she got from me.

Luckily for him, he was able to play it off like a pro:

I laughed and apologized, said I must have called her in my sleep. She laughed it off and said I was a very “breathy” sleeper. Good lord. I don’t know if she knows but I’m okay for now. Phew.

Take this one to heart kids: lying is the solution to all of your problems, but only if you’re very, very good at it.

[Via Reddit]