Jockey Shot After Jerking Off On Second-Story Balcony And Breaking Into Apartment


Meet Angel Suarez, 21-year-old horse-racing phenom. In 2012, Suarez ascended up the ladder of top-notch jockeys as he had 151 wins. In that whimsical year he earned more than $3.4 million in purse earnings for his owners – more than any other rookie in the nation. He was even named an Eclipse Award finalist for outstanding apprentice jockey, which probably had him swimming in pussy. However on Sunday all of his accolades meant nothing after he went on a bizarre rampage.

Suarez was at the Parx Racetrack in Pennsylvania on Sunday and won the seventh race on a horse named England. However five hours later he went berserk. The up-and-coming jockey was jerking off on a second-floor deck around 8:35 p.m., until a woman discovered him and called police. Suarez then smashed through her sliding glass door. He then exited the apartment by diving out of her second-floor bedroom window. Suarez completed the trifecta by breaking into another nearby apartment, where he assaulted two people, said Lt. William McVey of Bensalem Police.

That’s when a resident at the apartment complex shot Suarez in the chest and abdomen. Even with two .45-caliber bullets in him the 110-pound man continued on his rampage until cops arrived and subdued him. No official word on who shot first.

Suarez was eventually taken to the hospital where he underwent surgery and remains in critical condition.

The promising jockey faces burglary, assault and related charges.

You didn’t think things could get any worse did you? Well it did.


One of two ADORABLE long-haired dachshunds that tried to protect their owner attacked Suarez is now missing. The hero dog fell out of the second-floor window with Suarez and has been missing since.

So let this be a lesson to everyone who’s contemplating whacking your fuckstick on someone’s second-story apartment balcony and then breaking into a gun owner’s home. It’s not a good idea and think of the dogs who may get hurt from your jerkoff sesh.

H/T: Brian